Marvel Imagines

Peter Parker - Still Here

Warnings: angst, short
Notes: takes place after Infinity War Song by: Digital Daggers
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It's been three weeks since the fight. I knew we shouldn't have been there. Thinking it through fully, it wouldn't even matter if we had stayed here and minded our own business. Peter would still have died in fear, in pain, fading away in my arms.

My throat felt like I never stopped screaming. In my head I hadn't. Tears continued to streak down my face until my body could no longer produce them.

My hands shook at the thought of what I tried to do to see him again. I just wanted to see him again. I miss him so much. I could only see him when I closed my eyes.

I could almost feel him. Dreams were my only solice. Every night, when I could finally get my thoughts at bay, and I slipped out of conciousness, I could see him again.

He'd smile at me. I could see him smile again. I could touch him. What I would give to smell his cologne, to feel the strands of hair between my fingers. But then I'd wake up, and he'd be gone again.

I clung to his things with all my strength. I reread our messages, some of the love letters we wrote each other. If I couldn't stay quiet, my sobs ripped through the air.

Knowing that I couldn't hold him ever again... I couldn't function.

I blamed myself. If I had been more helpful in the plan, maybe we would have gotten the gauntlet, maybe we could have defeated Thanos.

The phrase l'appel du vide means call of the void. It's used to describe the feeling you get when you have the urge to do something that would most likely end in your death, most commonly jumping off buildings or cliffs. Since Peter... left... that feeling was ten times more prominent in my life.

Ned once came to visit me.

He said he understood what I was going through. Peter was his best friend after all.

I didn't mean to, but I yelled. It wasn't at him. It was at me. I told him it wasn't his fault that Peter was gone, it was mine. He didn't have to watch the love if his life disintegrate. He didn't clutch to the disappearing body of his best friend.

It was now that I realized what I had to do.

I had to find Thanos and kill him myself. Maybe I had to destroy the soul stone. If I could get the soul gem, maybe I could get him back-

Mister Stark told me to stop bringing it up.

No one knew where Thanos was. No one knew where the soul stone was.

Peter is gone for good, (y/n).

But he isn't! I've seen him, I talked to him. I saw others: Bucky, Starlord, Doctor Strange, they were all there.

You were dreaming. You can't let yourself mix up reality and dreams.

No. There was no way I would accept that. Not when I could see him. I could feel him. You can't feel in dreams. I needed him back.

I would stop at nothing.