The Amazing Adventures of a Socially Awkward Overthinker

Questions, so many questions...

If nothing were holding me back, where would I be? What would I do?

I started asking myself these question last night. Of course, I was basically crying my eyes out (which I'm not ashamed to admit) like I used to do almost every night. If I'd just let go of all these fears, what would I be doing?

Well, I'd be posting on here more, and on tumblr. I'd actually take a few pictures of myself for once, make a recording of me playing the piano, etc. I'd talk to more people, call more people, try to do more things outside of my house. Most importantly, I'd go see that one person that probably means more to me than I could possibly imagine.

If my childhood were different, would I be a different person today?

of course I'd be different. I wouldn't be so afraid, so shy, so anxious. I guess I was sheltered too much, protected, etc. I never went to anyone's house for more than an hour until about 7th grade. I didn't call anyone until probably 8th. I never called anyone without having anxiety until a few months ago. I might have been a completely different person...which is why I wouldn't change my childhood. If it were different, I would have never made the amazing friends that I made today. I wouldn't have gotten so close to the people I practically consider family.

Am I happy with my life?

I know I'm young...but I did think about this...

yes and no. I'm happy with some of the things, like my stories, piano, my minor successes, etc. I'm happy with my friends and family for the most part...but about myself? no, not at all. I'm not happy with myself because I'm holding back so much. I know what would make me happy, I know what I want and should do, but fears...tend to keep me from that sometimes. It's something I'm finally starting to work on.

What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?

the light/ look in that certain someone's eyes when they see me...that smile...that freaking amazing smile...ugh. *stupid teenage girl mode deactivated*

Greatest fear?

rejection, not being good enough, being ignored, being hurt, not having my feelings returned, being left out, being alone,  saying something that would offend someone I care about, saying something wrong,  need I go on?

 I think about anything and everything at night. Flashbacks crowd my mind and maybe I'll document some of those flashbacks, if I feel like it. I just haven't been getting much sleep lately, and one of the only things keeping me sane is Steam Powered Giraffe, writing, and some tiny bit of hope that I have. Things will get better, I'm sure.

now, I have to ask...how do you overcome your fears? or...do any of you have any questions? anything at all...I feel like answering questions for some reason.