The Amazing Adventures of a Socially Awkward Overthinker

Ugh...

School...

School....

School...

That is one of the strangest words...it really doesn't look like it's spelled right. School. It just looks weird.

I personally hate school. I know, I'm only in 10th...I probably have no room to say that I can't stand it, blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I hate it. I've hated it since 4th grade. Too much anxiety, too many people, too much social interaction, too much awkward, etc.

Last year, I only had 1 thing to look forward to, lunch. I never ate lunch. That was way too much anxiety for me. It was the one time when I could talk to the people I wanted to talk to, and not worry about things. Then, I'd barely survive french, and then just kinda force myself through the day until I got home. It's like it just drags on, the same thing every day. I couldn't wait until lunch...that's what got me up until that point. Then, I couldn't wait until french was done, it was that excitement that got me through the class. and then I couldn't wait to get home. In fact, it was only about 3 people that made school enjoyable for me. They are the only reason I tolerate school sometimes. Lucky for me, those lovely people all have an account on wattpad.

If I wasn't so terrified and anxious, I probably would have skipped french every day if I could...and I did once or twice. I'd nearly have an anxiety attack every day in that class, I'd always shake, I'd always freak out right before...but only one person noticed that I was nervous going up the stairs to the class. Only one person noticed that I was shaking...which amazed me. In fact, it was that very person that made the class worth it. Ugh...I should stop now before this entire chapter becomes about that one person...which it certainly will if I don't stop myself now.

Why must I be practically head-over-heels for...that's an odd phrase, isn't it? Head-over-heels. I mean, most people know it means falling in love...but, aren't our heads always over our heels? Maybe it means that we're falling, but not foolishly, so it's not an obsession or infatuation, and something a bit more genuine? Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but that's what I think it means, and that's what I shall use.

But still, why must I be so head-over-heels? It's always me, it seems. Why must I always hesitate before answering "are you dating anyone"? .it's an easy answer, a simple one, an obvious one, but I don't want to say no..because it doesn't feel like it....but I'm not really upset about it. At least the feeling's there...it's better than not having it returned at all.

I'm getting off topic. I'll probably regret writing all of that later. Maybe not. I don't know. 

I'll be surprised if I ever go to graduation. That's not for me..I hate celebrating things, not even my own birthday. I don't see what the big deal is...I don't see the need to be all excited about the ceremony and whatnot...I hate attention. I hate making a big deal out of things like this. Hate is a strong word, though...I highly dislike attention. (yeah, just like I'm ''in like" with someone...)

So, school starts in less then 24 hours. I'm both excited, because I get to see the few people that make school worth it. And then there's the stress, anxiety, and work part that makes me want to dig a hole and hid in it. But, I can't control it. I have to go, I should go, and I'll have to deal with it. Hopefully, those amazing people will make this year worth dealing with too.