So, I finally faced one of my huge fears (which one, that you might never know). And now I wait for the reaction. I don't mind waiting that much, it just can be a bit...harsh on my anxiety. Most of me is actually pretty calm for the moment, but that other part of me, anticipation is rising at an unhealthy level and I can feel a strange indescribable feeling building up. It's not quite pain, it's more like all everything is twisting up inside of me. Either that or everythings collapsing. Maybe a bit of both.
My hands aren't shaking like they usually do, so that's something positive. My thoughts aren't at all negative, which is extremely unusual, but definitely a good thing. In fact, I'm not really thinking about anything. I'm just eagerly awaiting something.
But I have to wait, and I will. Why I chose to face that fear in that particular manner, I'm not sure. I just saw the oppurtunity, and decided to cease it, to actually do something instead of wallow in the corner, my mind full of ''what if''. And so far, so good, actually. Usually upon facing my fear, I freak out, have an anxiety attack, and can't sleep for a day or two. So, this is actually an extreme improvement. I have had a few arguments with myself, that went along the lines of
Oh no, what have I done? I freaked them out, I scared them off, I did something wrong...oh no...
No, you didn't do anything wrong, it's okay. Just wait. Everything will be great.
Why did I do this? What was I thinking?
You're fine. Don't worry so much. Just don't think about it.
And that was that. Usually these things last a lot longer, but I somehow managed to convince myself that things were going to be good. Which is amazing, compared to my mind a month ago. Maybe, in a matter of time, I can conquer my greatest fear. What is my greatest fear? It's hidden deep within my mind, tormenting me everyday. You probably still want to know. Well, I've hidden it somewhere (on this story/page), I'll see if you can figure it out, because I'll never tell anyone direclty :P
YOU ARE READING
The Amazing Adventures of a Socially Awkward Overthinker
Non-FictionThis is a documentation of the amazingly awkward events in my life. Feel free to laugh, relate, or share your own awkward moments if you'd like. I've spent too much time feeling like I was the only one who was really socially awkward, so I'm here t...
