The Amazing Adventures of a Socially Awkward Overthinker

Good thoughts

Well, one good thing about my social anxiety is that I get adrenaline rushes just from having a good conversation. I get in a crazy good mood whenever I just talk on the phone without sounding like an idiot. Because of this anxiety, I appreciate the little accomplishments every day, and I realize that I'm not doing everything wrong like I once thought.

So now, if I have a bad day, I just think about the little things.
Did someone smile at me?
Did I smile?
Did someone make me laugh, or did I make someone laugh?
Did I answer a question right?
Did I make it through the day?
Did I say something smart?
Did I listen to someone who needed someone to listen to them?
Did I listen to my favorite song?
Did I watch my favorite tv show?
Did I get a hug?
Did I see something funny online?
Did I read something interesting?
Did I have any time to myself?
Was my day really that terrible?

Just things like that, that I used to never even think twice about. I've realized that I've actually done something right, and that the day wasn't as bad as I once thought. I'm still working on my habit of over thinking things...but it's getting better. I'm starting to be able to cut myself off when I think too negatively. I'm looking at things in a more rational way. I'm looking at things realistically. I've got to stop ''mentally preparing'' myself for the worst. It seems logical at first, and maybe it is...but not how I do it. I end up hurting myself because of something that didn't even happen and then I become terrified of it. Where's the logic in that? Either way I'd get hurt, even if it doesn't happen, because I'd still pretend as though it did.

I guess these things take time. I guess even I need some time to myself, to think things over. It won't be easy....and there will be times when I want to snap and stop waiting...and most of you reading this probably have no idea what I'm referring to, and I wouldn't really expect or want you to know. I'd want you to apply this to your own life, not mine.

But either way, I need to keep having patience and not give up. That's not what anyone would want me to do, especially not myself and those I'm really close to. So, with confidence, I can say that I'm one step closer to wherever I'm going. Where is that? I'm not sure...I'll find out when I get there. I do know that it will be a dream of mine. Or, maybe I'm the dream in some form. (only about one person would get what I'm talking about right there, and I doubt they'd read this, so...it probably doesn't make sense)

Still, I'm moving. Let me clarify that. I'm moving in the right direction. I'm moving closer. I'm putting the pieces together...solving the riddle...slowly, but surely.

I'll get back to humor eventually.
but that day is not today.