My Father's a Homo

Please Come to Our House

A/N: I may have snuck in a lil reference to I'm Breaking Down. Wink.

It was Mom's night to cook, and she was mad at Whizzer for some reason. She was making her banana carrot surprise, and when I walked in on her, I'm pretty sure that she was pretending that the bananas and carrots were Whizzer and Marvin's privates. Again. This probably shouldn't be a normalised sight for a ten-year-old.

I backed out of the kitchen slowly and went to play chess with myself. About ten minutes later, I heard Mom talking out in the hall. I crept out and saw she was on the phone, and decided to listen in on the one-sided conversation.

"Dr. Mendel, please?" Ah, the psychiatrist.

"Dr. Mendel, vis-a-vis what Marvin did, or rather, hasn't done." Which thing? Dude screws up a lot.

"You must exorcise the devil that inhabits Marvin's son." What the heck, Mom? Right here? Although I guess she doesn't know I'm here.

"Please come to our house, and talk a bit with Jason. Maybe it's hyperbole, but he's sick in the head. Sometimes you'll think he's wonderful, but honestly, he's wild. I'm a hundred percent sure that he's Marvin's." Oh no. Oh no.

At that point I turned on my heel and ran. I got to Marvin and Whizzer's room and knocked on the door, hoping that Whizzer was still in there. He opened the door a few seconds later.

"Hey Jay, what's up?" he asked.

"Mom's on the phone with Mendel. He's coming over." I replied shakily.

Whizzer sighed before answering. "Kiddo, there's not much that I can do to help, to be completely truthful. And who knows? Maybe you'll like talking to him, he could be a help."

I nodded my head. "I guess so."

Mom came walking down the hall at that point. "Jason, honey, Mendel's coming over for dinner tonight at five, okay? He's going to talk to you afterwards." She pointedly ignored Whizzer. I'm still not sure why they had a falling out, but I hope it's resolved shortly, they need each other more than either of them want to admit.

At ten minutes to five, I began to get quite anxious. Whizzer had left half an hour ago to do... whatever. I started following Mom around and asking her questions.

"What should I say to Mendel? Should I be mean to him?"

"Just be yourself," she replied.

I nodded, "I'll be myself..."

"But make sure you're not disgusting, okay?"

"Alright, Mom."

Just then, the doorbell rang, I went to open the door as Mom finished setting the table.

"Welcome to my house, Mr. Mendel. It was so good of you to come here on account of my "unravelling". Now let's eat!" I greeted him before running off to sit at the table.

"I think we should talk first?" he said to Mom.

"Maybe we should eat before the food gets cold," Mom replied, smiling sweetly, shaking his hand. He looked as though he was in heaven. Okay, then.

"That sounds great, Trina," he responded. "The food looks great." He was still shaking her hand.

We sat down to eat, by which I mean Mom and Mendel ate, and I pushed my food around my plate. I just can't eat at dinner time, all I can ever think about is what was going to set Marvin off next. I survive on midnight snacks.

"The kid looks pretty miserable," Mendel said to Mom.

I let out a dry laugh. "More like uninspired."

"Ain't that the truth, kid!" Mendel laughed. Look around, he said. "Y'know, I think the room just looks a wee bit small."

"This girl agrees," replied Mom, nodding all the while.

A few minutes later, Mom and Mendel had finished. Mom stood up, gathering up the dirty dishes.

"I'll wait outside and let you begin, Dr. Mendel," she said.

"Just Mendel's fine," he replied, blushing slightly. Christ.

"I'll wait for you," Mom said, rather breathlessly.

Mendel turned to face me. Here we go.

660 words