My Father's a Homo

Days Like This

A/N It has been so fucking long, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, y'all! But I'm back and I've finished the last few chapters, and I'm uploading em all at once for your viewing displeasure. So buckle your seatbelt, motherfuckers, because in six short pages I am going to learn you a story that I only learned myself last night, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 4-am-diet-coke-induced-self-hatred-fuelled-writing-extravaganza

It's been... I don't even know how long. The minutes and hours and days and weeks have all seemed to merge into one ever since Whizzer was admitted to hospital. I feel sick even just thinking about it. About him, stuck, day in day out in that stark landscape of suffering and death and pain. Not that there's anywhere else that he realistically could be.

I had to stop going to school. I couldn't focus on anything, wouldn't talk to the teachers. Eventually they just sent me home, told Mom and Mendel not to send me in until I was "feeling a bit better". I don't think I'll ever feel better.

The only time I can even pretend to be or begin to ever be happy anymore is when I go to the hospital to see Whizzer. When I see him, I'm able to smile and laugh and joke, act like the way I was before... everything. If Whizzer knew how I truly was feeling, I think it might break him. And I will not hurt him further than this fucking disease already has. But he'll get better soon. I know it. He can beat this. He has to. He will.

"Jason, honey, it's time to go!" Charlotte yells from the other side of the door. I snap my journal shut and put it back safely under my pillow. Grabbing my chessboard, I followed her out to her car. She drove us to the hospital, and as I watched the city pass by us, I caught her looking at me with a worried look on her face several times. Every time I caught her looking, her eyes would snap straight back on to the road ahead.

We finally got to the hospital, and I walked as fast as I could without running up to Whizzer's room, with Charlotte right behind me. I burst into the room. Whizzer was lying in bed, with Dad, Mom, Mendel and Cordelia all gathered around him already.

A huge smile leapt across my face as Charlotte greeted Whizzer from the door.

"Gee, you look awful," I said to Whizzer, half jokingly. His skin was beginning to look grey, and the bags under his eyes were oh-so dark. "Let's play some chess!"

I took my board out of its box and began to set up. Whizzer smiled, watching me.

As we started to play, I smiled at him and whispered, "I'll let you win, Whizzer."

"Don't let me win, kid," he whispered back, the ghost of a smile beginning to creep across his face.

I shot him back a knowing smile. We both knew I would always let him win. Always.

As we played, Dad, Mom, Mendel, Charlotte and Cordelia all fussed around us. I heard them muttering something about almost believing in God.

I'll be honest, at this point, I don't really believe in Him either. How could someone meant to be all loving let something like this happen to someone as amazing as Whizzer? I couldn't do this. I couldn't put on a brave face right now. Not even for Whizzer. I sprinted out the door and sat out in the hospital corridor. What the hell was I going to do?

A/N I'm so sorry for this and all future pain :)

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