A/N: Obviously these songs had to be included (even if they don't really have Jason in them) because of their importance to plot. So enjoy!
I woke up in the middle of the night to hushed whisperings coming from the kitchen. I got out of bed, pulling my blanket around me, shivering from the cold.
I pushed my bedroom door open, praying it wouldn't creak. Thankfully, it didn't. I made my way out into the hallway, stoping just beside the open kitchen door. I could hear the whispers far more clearly now: it was Mom and Whizzer.
"I'm really not sure what to do, Trina," I could make out Whizzer saying in a low voice. "He... he scares me, sometimes. I think I might love him, and I hate myself for it. How could I love someone like that? I mean, the way he still treats you-"
"Whizzer," Mom interrupted. "I understand completely how you feel. I mean, a year ago I was the exact same. Marvin is a very complex person, and I know how sweet he can be. You shouldn't hate yourself for it, we can't control who we fall in love with any more than we can control who our parents are. But what we can control is who our family is."
"Well you're my family, Trina," Whizzer replied. "You, and Jason are more family to me than my biological family were."
I started to choke up a little, silently berating myself. You're ten years old, come on. But I must have been making some sort of noise, because Whizzer came out into the hallway.
He bent down and wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, you alright buddy?"
I nodded, still sniffling. We walked into the kitchen, sitting at the table with Mom. I still had my arms wrapped around Whizzer.
"You're my family too, Whizzer," I whispered, clinging tight to him. Mom came around the table and wrapped her arms around the both of us. I wanted the moment to last forever.
Time Skip: Two Weeks Later
It had been two weeks since Whizzer and Marvin moved out, and Mendel and Mom were talking about Mendel moving in with us. I had hardly seen Whizzer since that night, and Marvin even less. He didn't even bother to make the effort to come and see Mom and I.
I grabbed my journal and began to write.
I had a really weird dream that night. When I woke up, I couldn't really remember it, but Marvin, Mendel and Whiz were definitely in it. And it was quite dark, I think. But the clothes and shoes we wore glowed in the dark? I don't really remember, but it was definitely weird.
I miss Whizzer.
Time Skip (again): Two Weeks Later
I got up late one night, not able to sleep. I went into the kitchen, where Mom was passed out with her head on the table. There was a journal lying open beside her, so I grabbed it and began to read.
4/17/1979
I'm tired of all the happy men who rule the world. They grow - of that, I'm certain - but don't mature. I'd like the chance to hide in that world.
I'm listening to these men - who really aren't quite men yet, but at the same time aren't boys - make noise. They verbally throw daggers: their toys are people's lives. They fight too hard and play too rough. Sometimes they love, but it's never... enough. My heart beats as I wish, but still.
It's crazy how they're acting, but even crazier is my response. It's stupid how I love, and how I anticipate what they want. But... as long as they amuse me, that's all that matters, right?
So... I'll roar like I'm wild. I'll explore what I'm feeling, accept that what I'm feeling is tired.
I'm tired of the happy, frightened men who rule the world. Stupid, charming men. Silly, childish jerks.
That said: I'll be his wife. I'll marry Mendel and change my life. I'll laugh and smile and welcome happiness. The time is right and the men are near. Now happiness and love can at last shine through.
4/18/1979
Please forgive my former spieling - it doesn't concern the man. And as for doubts that I've been having? I'll just ignore them. And the things that I must do I'll do to make this all succeed. I'll commit - that's definite. And with wit and precision I've made up my mind to get the things I need: God, I'll try!
I'll cry.
No - I'll laugh, and hire a maid! I'll fight the gods, I'll fight Marvin, I'll beat the odds, I'll have good sex! My future's open - not set in stone - and I'm okay with that.
I'll smile.
Well then. I probably shouldn't have read that. I put Mom's journal back, got a drink of water and went back to my bedroom.
The next morning, Whizzer was at our house. He was sitting on the sofa, and I ran out and gave him a big hug. He didn't reciprocate immediately as he always did, so I pulled back.
"Are you okay, Whizzer?" I asked worriedly.
He had an empty look in his eyes, and I could see the stains on his cheeks from dried tears. In a heart wrenchingly broken voice, he replied, "Not really, Jay. Your dad, um..." He paused, trying not to cry again.
"He kicked me out," he finished. "He kicked me out over a game of chess."
Whizzer's voice cracked at the end, and he started crying again. I once again wrapped my arms around him and cried with him. He was my best friend, I didn't want him to be sad.
When we had quietened down, Mom and Mendel came and sat down on either side of us, and we all sat there together for a while in silence, just holding each other.
A/N: I KNOW THE CHESS GAME IS METAPHORICAL FITE ME
Also A N G S T
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My Father's a Homo
FanfictionThe story of Falsettos, told through the eyes of Jason.
