My Father's a Homo

A Marriage Proposal

A/N: I'm back! I'm back, I'm gay and I'm back

I decided if Mendel was going to ask my mother to marry him, he would need to do it. I looked at him for a beat, before speaking.

"I think that if you're going to do this, Mr. Mendel, you need to do it now."

"Wha-what do you, what do you mean?" he finally managed to stammer out.

"What I mean," I replied, "is that if you want to ask my Mom to marry you, you should do it now."

I grabbed his armed, and dragged him into the sitting room, where Whizzer, Marvin and Mom sat waiting.

"This is how you make a marriage proposal," I announced, motioning to Mendel to sit beside my mother on one sofa. I went and sat beside Whizzer on the other.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Marvin. Whizzer hit his side and shushed him. He looked annoyed, but for once in his life actually shut up.

Mendel mouthed "Thanks" to him before looking to me for support. I smiled and nodded, motioning for him to begin. He turned to Mom.

"I love you dear," he began to ramble. "I think you're swell. You're never near me close enough to figure out if I'm delightful or not. I... crave you wrist, I praise your thigh. There's not a guy, or a piece of paper or... a man in pants, who could love you the same as I. Oftentimes, lovers are crazy people... I mean, sometimes they kill each other!"

Mom looked at him like he was mad. He attempted to save himself from the hole he had dug himself into, only succeeding in digging himself in further.

"Just like a... biblical brother! Did to his biblical brother, back in... biblical times."

"Biblical times?" Mom asked, confused.

"Biblical times," Marvin agreed, with a sarcastic smile and thumbs up. Mendel rolled his eyes at him before continuing. I think Whizzer might have given Marvin another smack.

"I love your eyes," Mendel continued. "I love your face. I would love it if you were by my side."

Mom moved as though to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear, blushing deeply, but Mendel intercepted, grabbing her hand.

"Don't touch your hair, you're perfect!" he almost shouted. "Please don't start to cry. There's not a guy, or a horse, or a zebra, or... a giant man, who could love you as I do. Forget that giant man, he can't love you the same as I. I'm not a giant man-"

"Good," Mom interrupted. Whizzer sniggered a little.

"-But I'll love you until I die!" Mendel finished triumphantly. Mom pulled him in for a kiss, startling him. While I retched, Whizzer whooped, and Marvin just looked pissed off. He stood up, and Whizzer and I stopped making noise. We turned to one another, evident clear in both of our sets of eyes. This probably wouldn't end well.

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