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Chapter XXXI: The Little Girl

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*TJ's POV*

I rushed Bella to the hospital when I found her covered in blood. She had said her stomach was hurting, and blood was coming down her legs. I'm really scared because blood was everywhere in the bathroom, and my heart is racing as I sped down the highway. I carried her in my arms while running inside the ER. When I came to the front desk the nurses rushed and placed him on a gurney and took her to the back. I followed them into the room, almost out of breath. My shirt was stained with his blood as well as my hands.

I watched them stick a needle inside her arms, and hook up an IV. I stood by her side holding her hand as she sobbed in fear.

"TJ I'm scared......I'm so scared. I don't know what's happening to me. Am I dying?" she cried

"No you're not dying. I-I don't know what's happening to you. Don't be afraid darling I'm right here by your side. I'm not going to leave. I love you."

Dr.Alex rushed in checking Bella's temperature, and her heart rate.

"Ms.Amici you're going into an early labor. Way too early to soon for the baby because she's not growing and she's not healthy."

"What? I don't -

Before Bella could finish she screamed in agony. I had wished I could something to ease her pain but I can't. It's hard to to see the love of your life experiencing what seems like the worst pain ever. I placed my blood stained hand on her cold face tucking her raven hair behind her ears. She looked at me, and I looked at her seeing the eternal fear in her eyes, I can tell that this was killing her. I couldn't help but to release these tears in my eyes because my heart is broken. I'm torn into pieces because my fiance is hurting, and there might be a chance that my baby girl didn't make it. At least I will know that she was beautiful, and that now she will have her halo and wings.

"Ms. Amici I need you to push. I know it's going hurt but it's the only way we can get her out of you." Dr.Alex confirmed.

I squeezed her hand tightly into mine, letting her know that I am forever by her side. After seeing her scream and moan in pain for about 30 minutes to an hour our baby girl was here, but we weren't sure if she was dead or alive. Dr.Alex held her in her arms and Bella and I looked at her with eyes full of hope. After checking her pulse multiple times, she finally looked up at us with eyes full of fear, and somberness, and that's when I knew that she was gone. I wasn't able to meet my baby girl, and I had adored her from the moment she began to grow inside Bella's belly. I'm hurting deep inside, and I just don't know what emotion I should feel. I don't know if I should cry, scream , or be gentle. After Dr.Alex had cleaned all the blood off our baby I slowly approached her and held her tiny hand inside mine, and I looked at her features. She was simply gorgeous, and she looked exactly like me except she had her nose of course, but I wouldn't have her any other way. Her hair was black like ours, it was like looking at my own twin, except she was my daughter. She'll always be my daughter, because at the end of the day she will forever have my heart. I hurt even more knowing that we'll have to bury her soon.

I took her into my arms, and I walked towards Bella who was exhausted, but I can see the tears forming inside her eyes. I could feel her pain, and she held our lifeless baby in her arms. When she noticed how much her and I look exactly alike he started shedding tears, and from that point on I knew her heart was broken just like mine. She was everything I had dreamed of when I pictured myself having a daughter. She was going to be the daughter I never had.

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*Bella's POV*

Our baby girl was indeed beautiful as ever. I cried because of much she looks like TJ, and it was like they were twins. Just seeing her will always remind me of him, because they're both beautiful in so many ways. I've failed, and that's when I realized my baby girl is dead. And I realize that I'm the reason she's dead. What kind of mother am I? I feel like a monster, I can never forgive myself. I feel like a murderer, as if I murdered my own baby. I don't deserve to be loved, I wouldn't be surprised if TJ decided to break off the engagement. I wouldn't blame him either.

He was so excited about becoming a father, and what did I do , I miscarried our baby not even knowing if I'm able to have another one. I lost her between the stress, and the inability to eat and sleep well. All he wanted was to be a father, and I took that away from him. I took that away from him like it was nothing, and I'm not even sure if he still loves me or not. How could I have been so selfish?

I can never forget this, because I'm hurting deeply right now and it'll be hard for me to get over it. I'm not even sure I can ever look at myself in the mirror again. The mirror will always hold me as a monster in disguise. All I can do now is cry, without a chance of happiness.

He held my hand close to his heart, and he leaned down and pressed his warm lips upon mine, and I began to shed more tears.

"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault .....I'm a monster. " I sobbed.

"No it's not your fault don't put this on yourself. It's my fault because I didn't give you any space, and I should've. You were already stressed to begin with, and I made it worse thinking that you didn't love me. All I wanted was for us to be closer, but I just ended up hurting you in the end. I love you Bella, and I'm sorry." He whispered.

I couldn't respond back, everything he said made me cry even more. He's blaming himself for something that was my fault.

"Don't cry Bella, I talked to Dr.Alex and she told me that you're very fertile, and that we can always have another baby. We can always try no matter what." He said.

"I don't know if I want to try again TJ. What if I have another miscarriage? I don't know if I'm ready to even try for another baby."

"Don't say that because you never know. it won't hurt to try again."

I buried my face into my pillow once more holding my screams in, and releasing more tears. TJ made room on the other side of the gurney laid beside me pressing his hot lips on my cheek. His warm hands found the temples of my back and he began messaging away my soreness. He undid the tight strings on my hospital gown, and began to run his fingers up and down my spine trying to ease my pain away. He then pressed his scorching lips on my skin making me shiver, and he wrapped his arms around my waist cupping his hands around my belly where my baby girl used to be. I rested my hand upon his, feeling the pure emptiness inside because of much I loved her so, and missing the bond we had shared when I carried her for three months.

He comforted me by pressing his lips against my neck and telling me that everything is going to be okay when I disagreed at the very most. I know he wants to try for another baby, but I'm too scared and I don't know if I'll ever be ready again. I'm not even so sure if I'm stable or sane enough.

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