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Chapter XXXII: Save Me From Myself, Because I Wanted You So

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*Bella's POV*

As I stood here by my bed at the hospital in my room in a gown, I started grieving once more. All day I've been shedding tears of pain, and I wish I could escape from it all. I want it all to end. I feel so pathetic and worthless. The utter depths of my soul are crying pieces of glass that are piercing my heart.

TJ has been down in the lobby for about a couple of hours, and now I feel as if I need to do some deep thinking. I've become so numb in my mind that I can't think, but my body is in so much pain. I feel as if I can't function right anymore, and my mouth is full of poison. The flow of my blood has slowed down, and I have no energy. I've been corrupted......kill me.

I walked into the bathroom, and I slowly lifted my head up to look in the mirror. I'm not the same sweet spirit anymore, it has been stolen away from me, and my wings have been ripped apart from. My halo has been broken, I don't know what has become of me. No one can save me now.

My reflection isn't what it used to be, I'm pale and my eyes are bloodshot from spilled tears. My hair is in a mess, and my lips are cracked. I'm not who am anymore. I wish I knew who this person is in the mirror in front of me. You killed me, you hurt me, but most of all you broke me. You're making me suffer, and I don't want to. You make me do things that I never wanted to do. You took my soul.........and ran off with it. Why don't you love me anymore?

"I'm a monster......" I whispered.

The more I stared at my reflection, the more I become enraged. I want to break everything I see, and I want to scream. Everything inside me has died, and I feel absolutely nothing. I'm lost and no one can save me. I've been trapped inside myself for too long, and I can't escape. I'm a withered paper flower.......

I wanted her so, I did. I loved her, and I wanted to hold her. She was the most important thing to me. Now that I've lost her, I'm incomplete and worthless. I don't want to be here anymore....I really thought my sanity could be saved......but now it's gone. She took it with her to heaven.

I buried my face into the palm of my hands, and I just break down into tears and utter rage. I have no one to blame but myself.....I trusted myself too much. I drop my hands down placing them on the sink balling them into fists. My heart started going on a rampage beating faster than normal. I suddenly took my hand and smashed the mirror sending shards onto the floor and in my hand. Blood was trickling down my wrist, from my bleeding burning palm dripping onto the floor. I couldn't find it in me to even care anymore. I took my blood covered finger and wrote in my own my own blood.. ' Save Me From Myself ',

And after I did that I began to approach the window next to my bed, as I let the blood drip from hand onto the floor leaving a trail.

Ignoring the pain in my hand I opened the window up high, feeling the cool air blowing in my face. I stood upon it and looked down at my fate, taking a deep breath as I saw the long drop. I close my eyes and I sigh.

"I loved you so...." I whispered.

I was ready now.......I stretched my outward ready to take my plunge into death, but I heard a scream behind me.

"BELLA NO!"

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To be continued........