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Chapter XXXIV: Sleeping Pills

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*TJ's POV*

It's been two whole days since they've put Bella on suicide watch, and they refuse to let her go until they know for sure that she won't hurt herself again. I've been so scared, that I've become too paranoid to even leave her by herself, and I haven't eaten in a couple of days either. I refuse to go down to the cafeteria to get food, because it's hard to leave her here without thinking of the worst that can happen, and I don't know what she's capable of. First it was the window, and who knows what she'll try next.

She hasn't moved nor said a single word, and it makes me fear for her even more. She's just sitting there staring at the wall, and twiddling her thumbs. I've sat in this same chair watching her every move, and her every breath. The other night they drugged her with some medicine inside a syringe, and she went right to sleep. They've been giving her anti-depressants to see if it'll help any, but I don't think they are. She's still the same, and she has yet to blink. She's staring as if she's plotting to do something, inside her thoughts. She won't look at me, and I don't even think she knows that I exist.

Every now and then she would shed a few tears, and I would come and wipe them away. She would cry in her sleep, and it's so sad to watch her go on like this. I would hold her hand, and it would be freezing cold as if her iron is low. She has yet to show me any emotion, and I don't know what she's feeling right now. It's like she's left towards an imaginary world of hers without me. I would place a simple kiss on her lips, and she wouldn't even make an attempt to budge. She's become so lifeless, like a statue.

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As I was dozing off slowly the I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and noticed that it was only the nurse. I could never remember her name though, but so far she's helped me so much with watching Bella, and just making sure that she's okay. The look on her face was full of worry, as if she's noticed the stress in my eyes and the dried up tears on my cheeks.

"Mr.Perkins why don't you go into the cafeteria and get something to eat? Surely you must be hungry."

"I want to but I'm scared that if I leave her by herself she'll hurt herself and I don't want to risk that."

"Sir I can watch her. Dr.Alex and I have placed cameras in this room. There's no need to worry. You need your rest sir."

I looked down and just pondered on whether or not I should listen to her. A part of me agreed with her and another part of me was just telling me to just stay and wait. It was hard because the more I pondered, the more I hesitated to respond. My conscience is constantly telling me no, but my body is telling me to rest and everything will be alright. All I could ever think of was how can I go wrong with this decision. I just froze in horror thinking of what will happen if I left Bella by herself, I can't imagine what she will try to do next.

"Mr.Perkins I can assure you that we're watching her every move. That is the purpose of this suicide watch. Just trust us okay. I promise you that we know what we're doing. When Dr.Alex arrives here in a few minutes we're going to observe her, through physical emotions, body language, and her mentality."

I sighed deeply again, running my fingers through my hair, and stood up meeting her face to face. She's small compared to me.

"Okay. I guess I trust you." I mumbled.

She nodded her head at me, and before I walked out she informed me that she  is in good hands. I should only hope so.

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*Bella's POV *

When I opened my eyes from this deep slumber , I sat up rubbing my eyes looking around noticing that the room is empty. TJ was gone, and so was the nurse. I had figured because I heard their voices in my sleep.

I stood up but winced in pain. I looked at my hand remembering what I had done, and I sighed without a care in the world. I slowly started making way towards the door to the bathroom and I slithered my way in. My clothes were folded up on the floor, and I kneeled down reaching into my pants pocket pulling out my bottle of sleeping pills without a knowing intention. I know I had promised him, but it's the only way for me to expire.

I stood in the mirror looking at my soulless face, and I shredded a single tear. I couldn't bare the sight anymore. I poured a handful of pills into my palm from the small orange bottle, and I emptied them inside my mouth along with other handful.

Everything was becoming blurry, and I was starting to lose my balance. My head started pounding as if a million hammers were falling down on me. My heart started racing, and I couldn't breathe anymore. I was losing my breath. A second later everything was now black, and I can feel myself collapsing feeling the weight of the world falling beneath me.

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