Till we break

First Snowflakes

“So why did you come over?”
It was Saturday. I’ve had enough from my parents and went to Selena.
My parents argued a lot. They argued about what they had done ‘wrong’, about what they should and shouldn’t have done, about their work, about their freetime, about me, technically about everything.

I was sitting on the sofa in Selena’s room. She was sitting next to me.
“Do I need to have a reason to visit my best friend?” I acted indignant.
“I thought you’d rather hang with Leonard.” She looked at me.
I had told her about my friendship with Leonard, actually I had talked a lot about him and she already met him a few times. I had the feeling that she liked him too. But on the other hand it was impossible to dislike Leonard.
“You’re still my first choice.” I said.
She smiled. “Okay.” Then her smile became an impish grin and she closed her eyes. “Then why are you never blushing when someone says my name?”
“Yeah, I don’t – wait, what?! “ Did I blush when someone said Leonard’s name? That couldn’t be true. I liked him, yes, but I wouldn’t blush.
“It was just a joke.” Selane laughed.
“Jerk.” I said and punched her softly on her shoulder while I was trying not to smile. I failed.
“I am fond of you too.”
I hugged her.
“But seriously, why are you here? I can see it in your eyes that something is wrong.”
I took a deep breath. “My parents.” I said. “They argue each and every day. I’m sick of it. And what’s more, I am a problem for them.” I felt that I was on the verge of crying.
“I don’t think so. I mean, do you really believe that?”
I wasn’t sure. My parents never said something like that, but their actions spoke volumes. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just feel like I am a problem, and too much for them.”
“This again, huh?”
I nodded slowly. She knew exactly what was on my mind. She knew me better than anyone else and maybe I wanted her to know, to eventually be saved.
“What speaks against it?”
“I do not know. That’s actually the reason why I am here.”
“Okay,” she nodded, “you have friends. How many?”
In real life there were only Selena and Leonard. I knew some people on the internet, but I wouldn’t necessarily call them friends.
“You and Leonard. Maybe more if internet friends count.”
“Everyone counts.” She stopped. “But see, there are people who like you. Now tell me about your dreams and plans for the future.”
“I wanna study anglistics and philosophy and I wanna become an author.”
She opened her mouth, she wanted to say something, but seemed unsure about it. “And could you fulfill your dreams when you end your life now?”
I shook my head. “You’re right.” I didn’t know if I was happy with that. Probably not.
“Just come to me if you need help.”
“Always.” I said then I looked out of the window. “Is this snow?”
I stood up and walked to the window. “Can’t believe it. It’s snowing!”
Selana came to me. “Wow. Damn, that’s beautiful.” She whispered.
“It is.”

My phone ringing ruined the moment. It was my mom.
“Yeah?”
“Come back, sweetie. Your dad is cooking.” She sounded like she had just cried, but tried to act like everything’s fine.
“Sure. I’ll come home.”
I ended the call. “I gotta go.”
“Don’t let your parents upset you.” Selena gave me a hug. “See you.”
“See you.” I said and left.

My dad had made chili con carne. It was good and I really was hungry, but I ate almost nothing.
“I have eaten with Selena and her mom before.” I lied.
It was true, they had eaten as I had arrived, but I had refused to eat with them, I said that I would have lunch with my parents.
“You could have said that on the phone.”
“Would it have changed anything? You’d still have ordered me here.”
I emptied the glass of water in front of me and slid the plate away. “Have you seen the snow?” I asked and looked alternately at my mom and dad. “Selena and I just watched the first little snowflakes fall down, it was so beautiful.” I stopped. “Then you called me, mom.”
“I apologize.” My mom replied. “No, we didn’t realize it was snowing, and yet the snow isn’t falling anymore. What a pity. I would have loved to see the first snow.”
My dad stayed silent.
His knuckles were bruised. I wanted to ask him about that, but I thought that I’d better be staying quiet.