Till we break

Chaos

The next morning a doctor came to look after me, everything seemed to be alright and so they released me in the afternoon. Leonard brought me home because my parents wouldn’t come.
They had called me, I had told them that someone looked after me and that everything was alright so far. They were fine with that, and they even went to work instead of staying home or picking me up from the hospital.
But at least Leonard was there, what was actually better than my parents, but still, I wished they would have come.

I was sitting on a bench in front of the hospital next to Leonard. He hadn’t been in school, because he wasn’t in the mood to and couldn’t leave me alone, that’s what he told me.
I wondered why he cared so much, it felt like no one else cared this much before, I was thankful he did. It made me feel less unwanted and worthless. That was helping me a lot.
But that was what he did, he helped me, our friendship helped me. I started to wish that someday I’ll have a boyfriend who was like him.
Leonard’s boyfriend must be very happy to have him. I sighed and closed my eyes for a short moment.
I turned my head and looked at him. He seemed to be somewhere else, deep in his thoughts and like whatever he was thinking about must be badging him.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked and he shrugged, it seemed like I’ve pulled him back into the real world again.
“What did you say?” he seemed a bit irritated.
“I wanted to know, what you were thinking about.”
“I’m trying to reorder my thoughts, they’re not more than an emotional chaos.” He explained.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked carefully.
“I don’t think you want to hear that, it’s bullshit.”
“I do. And I don’t think so, but you don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to.”
“I have something to confess” he started, “not with you. You know, I’m in a relationship, but I think that I’m having feelings for my best friend too, he’s living far away. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what’s right though I should just trust my heart, but I can’t.”
I didn’t really know what to think about that, but still I tried to keep the conversation going. “Does your best friend know?”
“Yes and no. I… I can’t explain.”
“It’s okay. No need to pressure yourself, but perhaps it helps to clarify everything. To both of them.”
He sighed. “Easier said than done.”
“I know, “ I admitted, “but what else should you do except saying nothing.”
He thought about that a short while. “I guess, you’re right.” He took a deep breath. “But how?”
I wanted to say that I didn’t know, but that wouldn’t be helping so I thought about a good answer. “Maybe, no, wait.” I made a pause. “Don’t rush into making confessions. Consult your pillow. Think about how to start the conversation, but not about every detail. How does that sound?”
“Good, I guess. Better than what I would have done…” he turned his head away.
“What’s wrong, Leo?”
“I don’t know.” He stand up. “Let’s go now, let me bring you home.”
I decided that I shouldn’t broach that subject again. At least not now.
I slowly stood up. Immediately my head started aching and I squinted my eyes again.

We walked along the streets, not fast because of my condition. That’s why it almost took an hour home, normally it would’ve taken not more than 20 minutes, but every attempt to walk faster ended with a more terrible headache.
But we managed the way without me collapsing again and that was good.
Leonard came along with me to my room to make sure that I made it into my bed without any accidents.
We hugged before he left and I thanked him an awful many times. Then I went to bed to sleep again.

In the evening, as my parents were home and I was up again, we had dinner together.
My parents asked me what had happened, but they didn’t seem much interested and worried so I told them a short version of the incidents. “I passed out in school and someone called the ambulance. The doctor said I had to stay and shouldn’t go to school until the upcoming vacations are over.”
“I see.” My mother said and my father nodded. That was the only reaction I got from them.