Till we break

Three Days

Tuesday. I was sitting in school. We had math lessons with Mrs Taylor.
I wasn’t listening to her lesson. She knew I wasn’t bad in math, but she always criticized my almost non existing participation.
I had no intention of paying much attention to her lessons, basically I didn’t pay attention to school at all.
The period seemed to last forever, but when it was finally over, I felt some kind of relief. Then I remembered that I still hat 6 periods to go to and felt stressed again.
I wanted to leave, to go home, but I had a plan. This week I wanted everything to be great. I even smiled sometimes, for real. I was nice to everyone and no one had a clue why. They still were annoyed by me, but it felt good to know, that after this week, I would never have to see them again.
In our 30 minute break Selena came to me and we went to the cafeteria. We didn’t take food, just sat there.
I had my thermos bottle filled with coffee in front of me.
I nervously took small sips while I waited for Selena to say something.
Fortunately she did.
“What happened?” she asked.
I shot her a confused look.
“You’re happy. Or happier than usually. What happened?”
Oh, I just decided to kill myself and the imagination gives me so much happiness and relief that I am looking really forward to it.
I exhaled. “Nothing. Maybe I wasn’t destined to be sad forever.”
“That sounds amazing. But you were so down, that’s a huge difference, and just in one day… Well, I’m just confused, but of course I’m happy for you too.” She smiled at me. I was smiling too. Then Kira came into the cafeteria and came to our table.
“Hey, ‘sup girls?” Kira asked.
“Coffee party.” I said and sipped at my coffee again.
“Yuck!” she said.
Selena and I looked at each other and shook our heads.
“Anyway, can I join you?” Kira sat down before any of us could even answer.
“How’s your day going?” Selena asked Kira.
“Could be worse. It’s boring as fuck to be honest, but not one of the worst days.”
“School is always boring, isn’t it?”
“Yeah! But my parents would kill me if I didn’t go to school.”
I stood up. They both didn’t seem to care, they just continued talking about school.
I didn’t want to hear that conversation. Well, that wasn’t the whole truth. Actually, I didn’t want to be with Kira.
She made my life worse and I didn’t like her. Everything she said to me, made me doubt myself even more. And she seemed to be taking Selena away from me.
That was making me sad, but then again I remembered, that it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. I would leave this world on Friday. I would never see Selena again.
But part of me, wanted to spent my last days with her, to really enjoy my life for once, another part of me just accepted, that I was already replaced. By Kira.
But I didn’t care. Caring was useless. Nothing really mattered anymore.