Guilty Pleasure

Page 39

It's hasn't even been a week and I'm missing him like crazy. I keep myself busy at work, take on extra projects to pass the time. Its the evenings that are hard, going home to an empty house and sleeping in an empty bed. I sprayed his cologne on the bed sheets on his side of the bed. I close my eyes and pretend he's there with me, it's only two weeks I know but to me it feels like an eternity. I live for our daily phone calls, the boys are having the time of their lives, Chicago was a hit in a few more days they'd be in Dallas and one city closer to me. Work's been keeping me busy and drained as hell. Marcus is being a nosy body, well I guess he means well, ...... M:"You sure you're ok Nina? Me:" I'm fine really I'm sure it's nothing." M:"Did you ever get around to making that doctors appointment?" Me:"Actually I did but they're over booked, she won't be able to see me for another two and a half weeks which means I won't see her until after I get back from Vegas" M:"At least you have a Dr.s appointment. Try not to work too hard." Me:"I won't I promise" maybe I was I don't know all I knew is without Jared to distract me I was more aware of my symptoms my stomach was still queasy and I was still getting light headed. Hopefully it was nothing, at least I hadn't passed out since New York so I guess that was good.

I went home had dinner, took a shower, and put on one of Jared's hoodies. I missed him so much, I decided to get into bed and watch a movie I was dozing off when my phone went off Me:"Hey baby" it felt so good to hear his sweet sexy voice J:"How's my baby girl?" Me:"Missing you like crazy" J:"I miss you too love, so much" tears rolled down my cheeks J:"Feeling better baby" Me"Yeah" I lied J:"Have you seen the Doctor yet" Me:" I will after Vegas she won't be able to see me till then" J:"Can't wait to have you in my arms again" Me:"Mmmm........ Can't wait to be in them. How's Chicago?" J:"Windy" Me:"Ha ha funny!" J:"I miss your smile" Me:"I miss you, I love you Jared, so much" J:"I love you so much more. What do you have planned for the weekend" Me:"Besides dying of loneliness, not much." J:"Please don't baby I'd be too lonely without you" Me:"Aah baby!!!! Well since you asked so nicely I'll hold on for you" I hear him yawn on the other side of the line. Me:"You're tired baby, why don't you get some sleep" J:"Not yet, I want to still hear your beautiful voice" Me:"What am I supposed to do without you for the next ten days?" J:"Imagine me there with you" Me:"You know that might prove problematic, I have a very overactive imagination remember?" J:"Hmm that you do baby girl" Me:"How do Vicki and Tomo do it" J:"Don't know love, I'm sure she's just as lonely as you are" Me:"Yeah huh??? I never thought of that, I'll go visit with her this weekend" J:"Yeah you should baby, I think she'd like that so would Tomo" Me:"I'll do that baby" J:"Its late baby you should rest" Me:"You should too my love" please, baby don't go. I wanted to keep him on the phone till I fell asleep but he was tired too. J:"I love you sweet angel, so much" Me:"I love you more my love" I settle back into the bed sheets hug his pillow and try not to cry myself to sleep.

I've just about dozed off when my phone goes off again. Me:"Hey baby, can't stay away can you?" S:"Not even if I tried" oh shit!!!! Me:"Shannon!!!!" S:" Hey Baby, how are you?" Besides in shock "Good, you?" S:"I miss you....... I'm sorry we just didn't get to talk before we left Miami.....I guess I ....... are we ok?" Me:"What happened on the dance floor Shannon?" S:"I don't know when I'm around you I just... I want you Nina, so much" Ah crap Me:"We've already been through this, it's insane! IN FRONT OF JARED, REALLY??? For God's sake Shannon what were you thinking???Have you lost your mind????" S:"Nina, please baby I'm sorry you were so close and I wanted you so bad....." Me:"Do you have any idea what you did to him? What he thought, what's he's probably still thinking?" S:"I do actually, he already read me the riot act!" Me:"Wait what? I don't understand" S:"He confronted me, please don't tell him I told you I just want us to be ok" Me:"When?" S:"That night he went for a walk, he was in my room when you called him" oh God I think I'm going to be sick, I love Jared so much, that kiss really hurt him. His heart belongs to me, it's my job to take care of it and I was failing. Tears ran down my face S:"Nina...Baby?" Me"I can't do this right now, I'm sorry" S:"Baby please, it's ok, Jared and I are fine, it's gonna be ok." Me:"Is it Shannon? Is it really?" S:"Yeah baby I promise...... Just tell me were ok.....please" ah hell why does he have to beg Me:"You're not a Golden retriever so stop begging" S:"I was thinking more of a Boxer, strong and handsome" he made me laugh Me:"You're such a dork" S:"I know but you love me anyway" Me:"Stop" S:"So we're o.k?" What am I going to do with you, Me:"Yeah, for now"

The weekend here's, as promised I meet up with Vicki, turns out She misses Tomo just as much as I missed Jared. We take their dog out for a walk, cute little mudda fugga. V:"Thanks for today sweetie, I've been going stir crazy without Tomo" Me:"I know how you feel, wait I'm such a dork I'm sorry I forget you haven't seen him since the beginning of the tour." V:"No, don't be sweetheart just because you've spent more time with Jared doesn't mean you miss him any less" she's such a sweet heart Me:"How do you do it? It's only been a week and I can't stop climbing the walls" V:"Well this little guy helps a lot" Me:"I'm sure he does" we continue our walk and I start feeling lightheaded again, not now V:"You ok Sweetheart?" Me:"Just a little lighted that's all" V:"Tomo told me about New York" Me:"He's such a worry wort, got to love him. I already have a doctors appointment, I'm sure it's nothing." V:"I sure hope so, Jared's so crazy about you" Me:"He is?" V:"Of course he is honey, even a blind man can see that" I look at her like "really?" V:"Its a figure if speech" Me:"I know sweetie it just sounded funny" we both laugh at that. We agreed to meet up for dinner and a movie later at our house. We've been meeting on and off for the last few days it helps to have her around I don't feel so lonely any more. I still miss Jared though, so much.