Guilty Pleasure

Page 72

We've been home for two days and although I know Leah can't hurt us anymore she's still here like a ghost plaguing my dreams, she has been since our last night in Vegas. I want to tell Jared but I'm afraid he'll think I don't believe him. Julie and Shannon came over for dinner, the boys are still in awe of their new found fame and they are amazing to watch as they discuss the KROQ Winnie Roast this Friday night. Julie and I decided to go to the kitchen to prepare dinner for the boys. As soon as we are away from ear shot Shannon goes into brother mode S:"So how's she doing?" J:"I don't know, I mean over all she's good but...." S:"But what Jay?" J:"Since our last night in Vegas she's been having these nightmares, she won't tell me what she's been dreaming but I think it has something to do with Leah" S:"Why would you think that?" J:"When we make love..... she's different some how, I mean she feels different" S:"Different how?" J:"Insecure, scared ........she cried last night" S:"Give her time Jared she's been through a traumatic experience it's gonna take some time. She'll be fine you'll see" at least he hoped she would be. J:"I hope you're right, I can't loose her over this, I won't" Shannon hugs his little brother "You won't loose her Jay, I promise. you'll get through this" J:"How's Julie?" Shannon looks toward the kitchen window S:"Should've been honest with her about Leah from the beginning" J:"You we're trying to protect her" S:"We both were...... I mean she's good but she gets lost in thought sometimes, she says it's nothing but I can't help but wonder." J:"I know what you mean......... I'm having a restraining order placed on Leah...... Just in case." Shannon looks at his brother impressed and smiles S:"Damn you are my brother"

Back in the kitchen we're busy preparing dinner, I'm unusually quiet and it doesn't take long before Julie figures out something's wrong. J:"Ok bug, this isn't you, talk to me" I smile weakly Me:"You know me too well" I fall silent and try to hold back tears. She pulls me into her arms like she did when were little and she made me feel safe. Me:"I want to forget Vegas ever happened" J:"Nina, look at me mama, Jared's here with you, he loves you, he isn't going anywhere" Me:"I know
......but...... she's still here. Every time I close my eyes I'm back in Vegas and he's fucking her and he's enjoying it" I start to cry J:"I don't.... wait have you been having nightmares about Leah and Jared?" I nod and try to catch my breath Me:"I've been having them since that day, they're always starts the same. I'm in the hallway I get to the door it's open....... I hear her moaning I walk in and they're going at at it in the shower she screams out his name over and over again. Last night he was standing there naked and she was sucking him off and he's moaning and groaning telling her how good it feels" Julie pulls me back into her arms J:"Sshh Baby Doll it's just a nightmare it's not real you know that don't you?" Me:"I know but it seems so real. I just wish I knew what's real and what isn't." J:"What are you saying bug you're doubting Jared?"

I look at her then nearly jump out out of my skin Jared:"Are you?" The look of pain in his face is unmistakable, I walk over to him and touch his beautiful face Me:"No baby, no of course not" I throw my arms around his neck and he holds me tight, his left hand goes into my hair cradling my neck Jared:"I love you Nina, so much, you know that. I would never hurt you, you have to believe me" his voice cracks and my heart breaks Me:"I do baby I'm just so confused I just need time to sorts things out that's all" I take his lips, I want him, need him. We get lost in our hunger, our need for each other S:"You know we can give you a little competition if you'd like, see who can make who moan louder" Julie:"SHANNON!!!!" S:"What!!! Do you really want to watch them fuck?" This time I'm the one in shock Me:"SHANNON!!!" Jared:"For the umpteenth time Shannon, NO you can't watch me fuck and NO you can't take notes" Julie and I are looking at Jared like are you kidding me, while Shannon's laughing his butt off! S:"Sorry little bro but if anyone is gonna watch and take notes it's you."
These two are hopeless but then again that's why we love them so much.

It's late or early morning depends on which way you're looking at it and I'm in the middle of yet another restless sleep that is slowly turning into yet another nightmare. I'm back in Vegas the elevator doors open and I'm walking to our room, the cleaning lady tells me she is done with my room and my husband is already there, I like the sound of that. I reach our door and I hear Leah moaning in pleasure L:"Mmmm.......oh fuck baby you feel so good" then I hear Jared.......my Jared, he's moaning and growling "Oh shit baby..... Mmmm..... You're so fucken tight" I walk in and they're on our bed and her legs are wrapped around him as he pounds into her. I grab the vase and throw it at them, and it shatters on the wall behind them. I wake up shaking and sobbing almost drenched in sweat Jared stirs next to me and takes me in his arms J:"Sshh it's ok baby I'm here you're ok it was just a bad dream" I just cry in his arms J:"Nina, baby please, talk to me" I hold on to him for dear life Me:"You're mine, you're mine only mine" J:"Yeah baby I'm yours, only yours." He gently lays us back down he strokes my hair and kisses my head and we fall back asleep together. I wake up an hour later he's fast sleep, the nightmare still vivid in my memory. I get up quietly and go out to our balcony, I'm so drained I can't do this anymore. I need to remember what happened or these nightmares will never end and I'll never have any peace. I go to call Julie but I change my mind, it's too early. God what do I do, I feel like I'm suffocating. I go to Jared's side stroke his hair, caress his cheek and kiss his lips. He stirs but goes back to sleep Me:"I love you so much Jared, please forgive me" I get dressed grab one of his hoodies, my phone, my keys, and my purse, I look at my love one last time and walk out the door.