Bruised// l.h au

Chapter Twenty One

Blaze:

I leisurely opened up my eyes as the aching of my body was too much to bear. I sunk my elbows in the bed I laid in to lift myself up. The excessive beeps of the monitor next to me helped guide my memory back together. My eyes ran along the large, bright room equipped with machines. I noticed stuff animals hogging chairs and balloons hugging the ceiling. A bag stuffed with clothes that resembled mine rested in front of my feet. From the smell that lingered on my skin, I concluded I've probably been settled in this room for some time.

Emotions raged my mind, and one that burst with passion was anger. I was angry at myself for not being able to make it to my room, and I was angry at my parents and Luke for screaming for help. I felt a sense of emptiness too, that pushed down on my shoulders. But never in my life did I think emptiness could be so heavy. I wanted to be dead, I needed to be dead. I knew though, as I sat in a bed with a hospital dress wrapped around my body, I miserably failed. It felt humiliating, that again, I was just the laughing stock of the family. And I could feel the bags under my eyes, I could feel the soreness of my throat, and I could feel that I was saved from death, not pain.

With the little energy swarming in my body, I swung my legs over the bed. I winced as my feet touched the arctic ground, sending shivers down my spine. I ignored it though, as I stood up. I felt like a newborn walking for the first time as I clenched onto my bed for support. Before I made my next step, someone abruptly walked into the room.

"Blaze." I shook my head in disbelief as I watched the person speak my name.

"Sarah, what are you doing here?" I questioned my old therapist as she strolled over to me.

"Sit down, you've been out for almost two days. How could you possibly walk correctly!" Sarah informed me, taking my hand.

I looked at her, wide eyed as I adjusted myself back onto the bed. "No." I said flabbergasted, shaking my head.

"Yes, Blaze I thought you were doing better!" Sarah said, sitting next to me on the bed.

I stayed quiet as I watched her get comfortable. I took in her appearance, her gray sweatshirt that swallowed her petite body and her black leggings that covered her legs. Even her face was makeup clear and her caramel hair was pulled tightly into a ponytail. I smiled as she looked at me.

"Hey you don't look any better! And your Mother called me last minute with a first class plane ticket to New York. " She teased, sticking out her tongue. "But honestly Blaze, what happened that day? I talked to a few of your friends who waited for you, and your parents. But I want to hear your side." She pulled out a little yellow notepad, her mouth clicking open her pen.

"Where the fuck are my parents?" I asked, attempting to change the subject.

"In a meeting with your doctor, now go on Blaze." She pushed.

I frowned, licking the dryness off my lips before I opened up my mouth. "I want to die."

"Why?" She inquired, not phased by my sentence.

"The world is so wrong, the world is sick. Nothing goes as planned. It was supposed to get better Sarah, I was supposed to be fixed! These pills- these fucking pills you said would fix me, didn't! You said the rain would stop, but I'm drenched, I'm fucking-" I had to pause my words so I could take a deep, needed breath. "I'm sad, okay that was it. I'm sad, I'm lost, confused. My life is shit, I hate myself and- fuck I'm rambling." I wiped the tears that hung loosely on my eyelashes.

"You're getting your feelings out." Sarah nodded her head, writing something on her notepad. "I want you to tell me about this boy your parents said came in to say you attempted. Luke, Blaze."