Bruised// l.h au

Chapter Thirty Five

Blaze:

We all grow up in the frantic search to find ourselves, not the model our parents raised us to be. It's a really perplexing map you're handed and you often find yourself getting lost. Some people walk through the darkness of the maze and never are wise enough to fight with the intriguing words they hear the maze shout in their ears. Others get so preoccupied with the idea of finishing the race first they drain themselves out too quickly and never end up reaching the finish line. If the idea is so frightening, imagine going through it.

I always used to think I couldn’t be fixed, that I had too many bruises that could never be healed. I thought my voice was a waste and had no use to the developing society. I lived in the blackness and I had every fiber in my body making me feel as if I was insane and no one would ever waste their time to try to untangle the mess I did. That’s what fucking killed me the most, I did this. My life was fine, I just felt a certain hollowness that money couldn’t buy so I filled it up with the consumption of illegal substances and liquid. I told myself that it was okay, it was okay I lost my virginity drunk, it was okay I sold myself to a boy who ended up throwing me under the bus when his best friend who happened to be my brother found out. Most sickening, I told myself it was okay to shut myself down and turn down any outlet for help.

It was the night Luke and I screamed bloody murder at each other because I wouldn’t swallow my pills, I noticed a change within myself. I always knew ever since my second attempt that Luke cared about me, but I had no idea the kid cared to the point he broke down and begged on his knees for me to do something that would only benefit myself. I’ve had people do that before but it was different with Luke, it always had been, so I gave in. Every night for two weeks he’d climb up my window to make sure I was taking my medication, it wasn’t till his father found out and beat the living shit out of him that I forced him to stop coming. He and I are a mess, but together we create something magnificent, so that is why I stay.

As I leaned my head against the icy window of Luke’s mom’s car with Luke’s hand gently caressing my thigh as he drove, I felt relaxed. The soft puffs of heat hitting my face and heavenly sound of his voice filled the car as we drove down the busy streets of the city to Michael’s house.

It wasn’t till I turned my head to face him a conversation burst through the silence. “Why are you so talented and I’m not?” I pouted.

“Technically you’ve never sang for me, Blaze.” Luke pointed out, tapping his index finger along the leather texture of the steering wheel.

“Well because I suck ass at it.” I huffed, grabbing his hand from my thigh and intertwinig our hands together.

“Later tonight,” Luke began, swiftly glancing at me. “We’re totally doing a cover for the boys’ and I’s page.”

“Do you want to lose viewers?” I amusingly questioned.

“Show ‘em your boobs, they’ll stay.” Luke chuckled and I groaned. “Just kidding, although your boobs are fucking awesome they’re only mine to see.”

“Stop while you’re ahead of it Hemmings.” I told him as he pulled into Michael’s driveway.

Luke gestured for me to stay as he opened his door and jumped out, only to race to my side and open up my door. I smiled at his action and walked up to Michael’s door as he slammed the car doors shut. I tapped my hand along my thigh as I waited for Luke, who tripped along the ice up Michael’s stairs, twice.

“I just did it to make you laugh.” Luke said as his hand met the doorknob.

“Alrigh-“

“Surprise!” I was cut off by the loud chime of voices as my eyes scampered along familiar faces.

I walked in leisurely, my mouth agape from the scenery. “What is this for?”  

“Happy one month clean anniversary – if that makes any sense!” Luke beamed as he placed a chaste kiss to my temple.

There are times when I would sit on my bathroom floor enveloped by the dimness of the sky and ask myself if proceeding these healthy actions actually worth it. I pondered about if people even cared about my progress, or made note about it. It was always a question I found myself wandering to, but now as I was in the embrace of love, I knew people did notice.

With tears tickling my eyes, I breathed. “Thank you.”

Calum strolled over to me and with an approving nod from Luke, he tightly wrapped his arms around me and brought my crying self into his chest. “I told you, you are worth more than all the money in the world.”

Calum was right, I was here for a reason and fuck, I was worth it.

--

People can’t save you from yourself because they can’t make you feel certain ways and they can’t make you want something. People can guide you through the unruly darkness though, but they are supposed to let go of their tight grip in the process. They are also to be there for you to fall back on, or go to for reassurance. I learned that the hard way, but fuck at least I got it through my thick skull.

“I feel like I got high off of fruit punch.” Rain giggled, falling onto Michael’s lap. “It – was – ah fruit punch, right baby?” Rain’s tone was serious as she looked towards Michael.

“It’s not like this is a fucking recovery party.” Michael said sarcastically having a laugh leave my mouth.

“I just came to have a good time, I didn’t ask to be attacked asshole.” Rain whined.

“Love you babycakes.” Michael cooed as he kissed her chin.

“Love you too.” Rain replied, although her eyes didn’t match his as her words trailed off.

 I didn’t comment though as Luke sat back down on the couch with a plate full of sweets. I wasn’t hungry and he knew that too but he insisted I ate half of his brownie because he thought I barely consumed anything today. I complied, because happy Luke made me happy.

I was happy.

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sorry this is really shitty I just loved this idea and it was a must to write it, be prepared for a feels attack next chapter...

how's everyone's day been? I've been extremely exhausted lol woops and angry because my mom found my tumblr ugh sigh. but tomorrow I have off so fuck yeah!

you should all check out blink (my calum fic) 

question of the day:

 what made you read this book?

 bye lovelies