spiderson oneshots

vi. meme lords

{edited 5/7/23}

tony couldn't help but groan when the elevator doors slid open to reveal two familiar teenagers. ignoring the odd looks being thrown his way by his fellow avengers, the billionaire rubbed a hand against his cheek, a small puff of air slipping past his lips.

"hey, dad," peter grinned, walking over to give the man a loose hug around his shoulders. "we're going to the city. we'll be home for dinner."

shuri nodded in agreement. "yes, the white boy and i are going to your infamous 'mcdonalds,'" she added. she offered a cheeky smile. "i am very excited to try your american cuisine."

tony held back a sigh. "alright," he replied. he bit the inside of his cheek. "do you need any money?"

"no," peter answered, shaking his head. "we've got plenty. thanks for the offer, though!"

before tony could say anything else, shuri tapped peter on the shoulder. "hey," she began, a smirk playing on her lips, "do you think you could throw this away for me? i don't know where you keep your waste bins." she held up an empty water bottle, offering it to the boy.

"yeah, for sure," peter said, taking the bottle from her hands. he paused for a moment. "this bitch empty! yeet!" with a cackling laugh, peter threw the plastic bottle across the room; it hit steve square in the face. "oh! sorry, mr. america!"

laughing loudly, shuri took hold of peter's arm and began dragging him off down the hall. "see you all later!"

"what... what just happened?"

tony sighed once more and turned towards t'challa. "you explain it," he said, waving a hand in the air. "i don't have the energy to do it."

t'challa chuckled. "the internet calls them 'vines,'" the wakandan prince explained, shaking his head. "i don't really understand their significance, but peter and shuri love to quote them."

"the absolute worst internet phase to this day," tony added flippantly. "appreciate your alone time when those two are together. it's like a tornado."

. . . . .

the following hours passed by in a blur.

the gathered avengers spent that time discussing upcoming missions and debriefings sent in from SHIELD. by the end of it, their brains were beyond fried and their bellies were empty, so the group of heroes quickly fled from the meeting room and basically ran for the penthouse, grumbles about nachos and hamburgers creating harmony.

"'tones, i could eat a horse," bruce groaned, patting his stomach. "you don't even want to know what the big guy could eat."

tony opened his mouth to respond, thought about it, and quickly shut it. instead, he hummed in agreement. being the first to reach the kitchen, he quickly pressed his thumb to the scanner and the doors opened, revealing peter and shuri.

"come on, peter! do it again, and this time, land it!"

"back at it again at krispy kream!"

all of a sudden peter flung himself forwards, easily gliding through a front-handspring and turning his body to pull off a double backflip. he almost landed it, yet at the very last second, he overshot his landing and crumpled to the ground, his body slamming into the cabinets on the kitchen island.

"peter!" quickly rushing to his son, tony knelt down and helped the teenager into a sitting position. "are you okay?"

"oh yeah, yeahhh," peter replied, waving a hand. he blinked his eyes a couple of times, clearly trying to orient himself. "don't even worry 'bout me, dad."

a beep signaled the end of shuri's recording. "you're too camera shy," she tsked, shaking her head. she hauled him up by his arm and led him towards the doors. "next time, we will be doing this in a padded room with lots and lots of blankets, bug boy."

as the doors swished closed behind them, the avengers were pulled from their stupor.

"oh my- he could have gotten seriously hurt!" steve exclaimed.

t'challa gave a heavy sigh. "and yet we cannot stop them."

. . . . .

"this is really good, tony," bruce said as he cut into his steak. "like, seriously. where is this sourced from?"

tony smiled at his friend. "wakanda," he replied, shrugging his right shoulder towards t'challa. "thank him, not me."

conversation fell short, and everyone gathered simply enjoyed each others' presence as they tucked in to the delicacy that was their supper. however, as time went on, soft snickers were heard from one end of the table.

"i smell like beef..."

"hm?" steve glanced up, eyes sliding towards the two teenagers. "what was that?"

peter raised his eyebrow. "i didn't say anything."

"me neither."

steve stared at them for a moment, but started eating once more.

"i smell like beef."

steve looked up again, and this time, sam followed him, his eyebrows raised in question. the super-soldier glanced back to peter and shuri, but they were quietly chatting amongst themselves, much like the rest of the table. brushing it off as himself hearing things, and tucked in again.

"i smell like beef?"

all of the avengers looked up this time, and now, peter and shuri were hardly holding in their laughs.

"i smell like beef!"

"i smell like BEEF!"

"I SMELL LIKE BEEF!"

the table fell silent.

"...what the fuck."