Dear Peter, I will always love you

One

It's Peter and I's first full summer together before our last year at high school, before things get serious. I won't be like margot though. I don't ever wanna lose him. After everything we went through. I can truly say I'm in love. Real love not the fake kind. No contract, no rules and no pretending. I will always love you Peter Kavinsky. Real true love and I'm not gonna throw that away for anything especially not college.

Peter has a surprise for me this summer, two weeks and all I've got to pack is swimsuits. He won't tell me, he keeps saying "it'll be the best summer of your life,trust me" with his goofy smile that's so contagious it makes everyone smile. I trust him, I do and I know whatever he has planned will be amazing because it's with him.

I'm sitting on my sofa with Kitty and it's the first day of summer and of course we are watching a marathon of 'Golden Girls'. The door bell goes and Kitty speeds from her seat, I roll my eyes and smirk in entertainment. "PETER!!!" I hear a scream from the door, kitty loves it when Peter comes and visits. I look over at them and smile, he twirls her around and chuckles rubbing her head before making his way over to me.  "Hi..." I elongate my words when I'm around him. He makes me feel light and free and I haven't felt this way since, well my mom. "Hey bae" I roll my eyes at the word 'bae' it's so cringe but he always says it. He places a kiss on my cheek before whispering to me "let's go upstairs" he grabs my hand and we walk up the stairs. Him leading me, which is ironic because it's my house but he always leads me. It makes me feel safe.

My bedroom door shuts and he kisses me on the lips softly. We don't kiss in front of kitty, she doesn't like it. Neither do I. I kiss him back before we lay on my bed. I lay in his arms while he stares at me. We leave on Monday, he still hasn't told me but two weeks worth of swimsuits sounds exciting. "Get dressed I want you to come to this party with me" I don't really like parties but I go to make him happy. He loves it when I go. "Fine.." I reluctantly get up and open my disgustingly messy wardrobe. I pick out some platform trainers and a cute t-shirt dress. I change in front of him, I'm not shy anymore.  We've not had sex yet but I just feel comfortable around him. "You look beautiful as always" he says getting up once I have changed. I place a kiss on his lips as he places his hands on my waist.  I keep my hair straight since he loves it that way. I do it without thinking now.

We're in his car and the radio is on. I gently sing along as usual. He keeps one hand on the wheel and another on my thigh rubbing circles in it. Taking it off ever so often to change gears. We arrive at the party and it's a huge house. It's the first party of summer so I guess it has to be amazing, not even amazing spectacular. Apparently it's Greg's aunties house or something. No doubt his family is beyond rich. "This is what you call a pad alright" Peter seems mesmerised as do I. "Yeah.. it's amazing" he grabs my hand and walks us inside. I take a deep breathe before entering as I always do. "You'll be fine covey" he says kissing my cheek before we walk in. I see all the guys and we walk over, I've become friends with some of his friends but none of the girls. I'm not really on the best terms with Gen and I don't want to be. I always stay by peters side and he always holds me close to him. "Yoooo, kavinsky" Greg greets him. I smile at them as they hug. "Lara jean, how's it going?" He comes over and hugs me extremely tight as usual. "Good, are you ok?" I always question if he's fine because he never acts fine, he always acts as if he's on something. "Of course I'm fine have you seen this place" I chuckle a little, that's true. I lean into peters chest as we watch Greg finish his beer pong game. His arms are snaked around my waist. "Wanna drink covey?" I nod and follow him to the drinks table. There isn't much choice, Peter goes straight to the fridge and grabs Kombucha for himself. He grabs me a cherry coke and we stay in the kitchen for a while. Talking. "Let's go somewhere a bit more quiet.." he says, "yeah ok" I nod.

We walk out into the garden. It's huge, not many people are out here. He takes me right up the the back and we lay on the perfect green cut grass. My head is on his chest. We stay in silence for a while watching the stars. "Covey?" I position myself where I can look at him. "Yeah" I smile. He takes a deep breathe before he replies " I know you don't like coming to parties but I'm glad you come you know" I smile at him. He's so sweet. "Of course is come, you do things I like so I'm gonna do the same, I'd do anything for you.." he smiles at me and I smile back. "Lara jean.. I love you" we don't really say I love you to each other, only in special moments like these. "Peter Kavinsky.. I love you too" I smile not breaking our eye contact. He sits up and places me on his lap. I wrap my around his neck before I lean in and kiss him. I can't really explain the feeling I get when I kiss him but it's a feeling I wouldn't trade up for the world. "Do you wanna stay at mine tonight?" He asks me, I don't usually stay at his house but I know his mom and brother are away on holiday so it means we will be alone. "Yeah id love that.." I don't know why I say it because I'm terrified. We've been close to having sex before but he stops before it goes further. I think he knows I'm scared. "Are you sure, you don't have to but I'd really love it if you did.." he uses that goofy smile at me, I
Smile back at him rolling my eyes. "Why wouldn't I.." I say pushing him back so I'm laying on top of him. I kiss him harder than I've kissed him before. It's passionate really passionate but we're in a garden so nothing can happen. "Covey... let's head back" I nod he has his hand on my hip. We kiss each other every few steps. I've never felt this way before but all I want is him. I crave it. "Yo we're off" Peter shouts off to his friends. They nod and he kisses me again. Gens eyes are on us and I stiffen up a bit, you'd think after all this time she'd be over it definitely not. "Babe forget about her.." I nod and relax into his arms as he walks me to his car.