Dear Peter, I will always love you

Eleven

Peter says it's not over but he wants space for the day. I wish it wasn't like this on our last night here. I really wish it wasn't. I stay inside up in our room. I lay on the bed and hold the sheets and breathe in deeply and then out. This is where it happened, this was where our moment happened. How did it get like this? We were so good together, everything fit. Everything does fit. I don't leave the room because I don't want to bump into anyone and explain why me and Peter aren't talking. I take out my book and start reading, it's my safe place. Where love can be everything you ever want it to be without hurting you, without breaking your heart.

I wake up groggily with the book laying on my chest. My stomach grumbles and I know I have to eat. I get up slowly and walk in the direction of the door. I get to the kitchen and I don't look around, I don't want to look for Peter because it'll just hurt even more. I make myself a sandwich and a black cherry coke and sit on the empty sofa. I turn the tv on and watch whatever junk appears. I don't really pay attention, I scroll my phone and decide to text kitty and Margot. They ask how the trip is and I don't tell them about what happened, I send them photos of us watching the sunset by the lake the other morning and us soaking wet from the water fight. Things that reflect happy and fun connotations but that's a lie. I feel broken and hurt. I don't want Peter to leave me over one silly mistake. What does time even mean?

I end up back in the room and run a bath, maybe this will relax me. I fill it up with the most bubbles and light the candles around it. I leave the door slightly open as no ones been in the room all day so I doubt anyone will walk in on me. I get into the hot bath and close my eyes. I breathe deeply in and out leaving me to only my thoughts.

"Lara jean?" I he's his voice, peters. He's not using my nickname though which stings. "Oh.. em.. in here!" I nervously shout from the bath tub not moving. "Are you coming down for dinner..?" He leans against the door frame and crosses his arms, he looks cool and hot. "Yeah sure, I'll get out the now... eh could you pass me that towel.. please" I scrabble around for my words.

He holds the towel out in front of me and I get up and he wraps it around me securely, holding my hand as I get out the bath. "Thanks.." I don't look up, as I get out he grabs the other hand and my heart flutters. He lifts my chin up with his hands and looks into my eyes. "Your welcome..." he whispers close to me. I gulp down hard having the urge to kiss him. I try and stop this temptation by biting down on my lip. His face stays inches away from mine and he just does it. Smashes his lips against mine, he walks me over the wall pushing me against the door. "I've missed this..." he whispers leaning his forehead against mine, I wrap my arms around his neck arching my body closer to him. "So have I...." I whisper back, he kisses my neck and my chest. I move his head so his lips are back onto mine.

He picks me up and locks the door shut, he places me on the counter top. I wrap my legs around his body bringing him closer to me. My arms drape down his back and he has a firm grip on my waist. I place my lips on his, and kiss him harder. I play with his hair with one hand leaving the other where it is. We both part ways for air, he places his head against mine. "I don't wanna lose you Covey, you know that girl, don't you?" He looks into my eyes for reassurance and I move my hands onto his face rubbing his cheeks. "I don't wanna lose you either Kavinsky, I love you Peter Kavinsky... forever and always..." I whisper to him keeping my eyes on his. "I'll always love you Covey... always" I smile at him knowing it's true, I might not be his first love but I know I'm a love he'll never forget.

"Let's not have dinner with anyone else.... let's go have some fun just us two..." he looks in my eyes and I look into his. There is a twinkle in them and I can help but say 'yes'. It's quite late, it's around 8 o'clock. I put on a bathing suit. It's white, with frills on the top and ties on the bottom. I put on one of Peter hoodies as it's quite chilly out and slide on my sliders. "You ready?" He looks at me. "Yeah...let's go" I say shoving my hair into a bun. "You look cute..." he pecks my cheek and wraps his arm around my waist.

He takes me out by the lake and there's fairy lights, a blanket with little food bits and some rose wine my favourite. It's the exact place I told him I wanted it to be him. Where all my emotions and feeling finally fell into place when I knew Peter Kavinsky stole my heart. I hold my hands against my heart and smile. "Peter...." I feel emotional, I just love it. "Don't say anything... you deserve this after the morning I put you through.." he wraps his arms around my and I wrap mine around his neck leaning up to him. "It's truly amazing..." I can't help but say something "no covey... your amazing and this morning I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I just thought you hated me.. I mean I hated me. I hated what I did to you..." his eyes go sad, and teary and I know that he means everything he's saying. I hold his face in my hands "Peter kavinsky I could never hate you, this morning was not your fault, it wasn't even my fault it was no ones... are emotions were everywhere but I love you and nothing can change that not now.. not ever.." I say to him, I peck his lips and rest my head against his.

We lay underneath the stars, it's quite amazing.. stars that is. They shine so bright but are so far away. It's something magnificent. My heads on Peters chest and his arms tightly round my waist. All I can hear is his faint breathes, it's silent. Extremely quite actually. I love it. It's comfortable. I never want to leave this place, I never want to leave this paradise which isn't reality. We have the rest of summer still but it's not the same. Back home we are busy the world keeps moving, Peter trains a lot and I look after things at home. We don't get to see each other as much as we have on this trip. The most amazing thing about this place is it feels like time stops for a while and I get to breathe, I've not had a breathe in a while.

"I can't believe we leave tomorrow..." Peter sighs, so do I.  "I know... I don't want to" I snuggle into his chest a bit more. "Neither do I... at least we have all summer before things get intense" I suppose he's right but this is paradise. "It's not the same though..." the words slip from my mouth and instantly I regret it. "What do you mean Covey?" He asks calmly "It's like... It kinda feels like time stopped here. The world is moving but nothing is happening around us. It's just us and we're both captivated in this moment and nothing else matters but me and you. When we're home life happens, we have our own things and that's fine but right here in this moment every single second just feels special..." I trial off keeping my eyes on one star, it bigger and brighter than the rest. "Your right... I never thought of it like that.. everything feels magical here like nothing could ever go wrong" his reply shocks me, he never talks like this. He's always tough guy Peter but he's showing me another side to him. "It is magical, look at all these stars... they are just so bright and beautiful..." they are so amazing, I haven't seen stars like them. "My favourite star is that one" he points to the biggest and brightest one that I was talking about "you wouldn't see one like it back at home..." he's right you wouldn't. "Maybe you could if we all just stopped and took a moment to just experience what's around us..." I say "yeah how about we make star gazing a regular thing..." I nod and snuggle into his chest.

We get up from laying on the ground for a couple hours. "Let's go swimming?" Peter says, he takes off his shirt leaving him in his trunks. It reminds me of the first day. He runs in and does and cannonball. I don't hesitate to take peters hoodie off and I run in after him. I jump in making a big splash. "Woooo" I scream as I jump. "Come here..." I swim over to Peter and he puts me on his back and swims to an area where I can actually stand. "It's cold..." I say wrapping my arms around Peter neck as he turns me round to his front. "Yeah just a bit..." he wraps his arms around me tightly. "Peter..." I look up at him and he looks down "Mhm.." he hums. I press my lips on his, not taking them off him. He hold my face with both his hands making sure it doesn't go anywhere. We separate and I pant for air. "Yoooo guys everyone in the lake!" I hear that stupid voice, it's Rivera. I giggle to myself at his sudden move of fun. " I guess our moments over...." Peter says looking down at me "It doesn't have to be...." I look up at him, I press my lips against his again. 

As we stop kissing Gen is staring at us, I don't even care. My smile is ear to ear. He's mine. Peter Kavinsky is all mine. "I love you covey... so much" he says rubbing his nose against mine. "I love you Peter Kavinsky... sooooo much" I smile at him pecking his lips. His silly grin make my heart feel all fuzzy. "Let's get out... it's freezing. I'll put a fire on out side..." he says to me and we head out. He keeps his arms wrapped round me and runs inside to get me a towel. I wraps the towel round me not wanting to get his hoodie wet. I sit on a sofa  outside as Peter lights the fire pit. He sits next to me and I lean my back into him.

Everyone else eventually joins us, we've got slow music on and marshmallows. This is truly a trip I'm never going to forget. This has been amazing, good as bad I wouldn't change anything for the world. It's well and truly incredible, the people, the atmosphere, the location and most important Peter. This is a memory that will stay with me for life.