Dear Peter, I will always love you

Nineteen

The past few week me and Peter have been sneaking around. I still pretend to like Jacob, I mean I do but all this sneaking around is fun. I'm walking down the halls and I get to my locker, I lean my head against the locker door staring at his every move. I wish it was different, I wish I could walk down the halls with him.

Beep beep

My phone vibrates taking my attention away from Peter. 'Party tonight, pick you up at 8' it's from Jacob. 'Can't wait x'. I put my phone in my pocket. It's Friday and I get to see Peter in chemistry. "Yoo kid, long time no see" Chris slams the locker next to me. "I know I've been so busy..." with Peter. She can't know that though. "Ha usually it's me going missing, hows Jacob anyway" she likes Jacob a lot more than peter, I wish I could say the same. "He's good, we're good. Party tonight if you wanna come" I smile a her trying to seem convincing. "I'll pass LJ... see you lunch" she shouts as she walks away. I grab my books and head to homeroom.

I sit at the back on my own, I stare at my phone as Jacob texts me. 'Meet me in the changing rooms after homeroom no one will be there x' I smile at my phone 'see you then x' I've got math first thing and I'm sure I can just be a couple minutes late. As soon as the bell goes I run to the changing rooms. I wait outside until his arms pulls me in. I squeal as he pushes me against the door and kisses me. "I've got a new place for us.." he grabs my arms and pulls me to the shower cubical. Smart thinking. "You'll have to have your legs up so if anyone comes in they'll only think one of us in here" I bite my lip and jump up onto his as he holds me up. "You look sexy in your lacrosse uniform.. you should wear it more often" I say before placing my lips on his, he moves his mouth from mine and starts to suck on my neck, I roll my head back.

"Yooo Kaminsky you in here practice is starting!" He sighs and places a finger over my lips. "Yeah be out in second I'm on the phone!" He yells back, I try hold in my laugh. "Catch you out there!" We hear the door close and he slowly open the shower cubical door and I fix my hair and clothes. He motions for me to exit looking out the door. I peck him one last time before I walk quickly to maths.

"Your late." My teacher Mr Johnstone says sternly. "Sorry.." I cough out awkwardly, I walk to my seat and scramble through my bags for my math books. I sit and tap my pencil on the desk confused how I've changed so much. What am I doing? Lara jean Covey wouldn't ever play two boys at once not even one for that matter. I'm in too deep, I want Peter but I can't hurt Jacob.

The rest of the day goes by quick and I get home. I go straight to my room and look through my closet. Everything has changed, my style, my attitude, my confidence and even worse my morals. Maybe I just grew up, maybe I don't wanna grow up anymore.

I look at myself in the mirror, my black leather mini skirt and my black crop top. I have my hair curled and I have heavy make up on. I hear car horn outside and I quickly sprits myself with perfume and put on my heels before running out the door barely noticing my dad and kitty.

"Oh wow..." Jacob says as I get in the car, I smile at him. "What?" I know what, he chuckles placing one hand on my thigh furthest away from him. "You look incredible" he pecks my lips before driving off to the party. Peter hasn't texted me tonight, he usually texts me every night. I put my phone in my clutch and focus on jacob.

He opens the door for me and leans me inside with his hand on the small of my back. A lot of people are hear and it's almost 9:30. We ran a little late, ok I ran a little late. Everyone smiles and greets Jacob as we walk in. Some of his friends eye me up which make me feel a little uncomfortable. He grabs me a drink and god knows what and the first gulp is unbearable but the more I drink the easier it is.

The night goes on and things get blurry, I turn to Jacob. "I'm going to the toilet I'll come find you after!" I shout at him over the music. "Yeah okay" he says not really caring. I walk around this house which is huge, looking around. I see a gen I'm the distance and I roll my eyes not wanting to walk past her but knowing I have to.