Dear Peter, I will always love you

Seventeen

A few weeks later

It's a been a few weeks now since me and Peter broke up. It's weird I feel so lonely, incomplete.  I drag myself out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. I sigh at the site of me, he must think I'm a freak why can't I snap out of this slump. I hop in the shower, it's time to get back to lara jean. I dry my hair and put some make up on. I make sure I put my nicest outfit on  and head down and grab breakfast. I get kitty and we jump in the car.

I roll the window down and the radio up. "What's happened? Why are you so happy?" Kitty asks "nothing im just happy" I smile, I genuinely feel happy.  I drop kitty off and wiz straight to school. I walk in and go straight to my locker. I put my books in there and shut my locker. I look up the corridor and see him, Peter. Standing. Laughing. Having a good time as if his life has never changed. I feel a pang in my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow before re opening them. I take a deep breathe and walk to Chem. As I walk part him everyone goes quiet. I keep my head down and hold onto my book bag tight. Don't look up lara jean you'll regret it. Don't look up. I look up and I stare at him and he stares at me. "Lara jean...." he calls out, I don't say anything I push past all the people staring. "Lara jean!" I hear him call out even louder I don't then back until I feel his hand on my shoulder. "Lara jean! Please!" I stop and sigh, my eyes meet his and all I feel is sadness. "What!" I huff at him. "Can we talk?" He stays calm but I'm hurt really hurt. "About what! There is nothing to talk about. NOTHING!" I wipe the tears that slip down my face and shrug him off me. "Please, I don't want it to be like this.." his voice is still calm unlike mine "how else was he gonna be Peter, you knew it was gonna be like this. We're just different people ok not everything is gonna stay the same for me unlike you! So be grateful it is!" I shout at him gaining the attention of some others. He places his hand on my shoulder again, "shhhh, Covey please..." I push him off. "Don't you ever call me that again..." I study his face he gulps down hard and his face drops. Shit. "Your the one who hurt me remember, why are you so mad at me?" He whispers, he grabs onto my hands. "You hurt me too, you didn't wanna be with me anymore and know you won't leave me alone... Why?" He grabs my hand and walks me to an empty hall. "Why? Because I still love you co- Larajean I do, I don't want to see you being hurt...." he's being so honest, so true. "I can't stop loving you, I've tried so hard to get over you but I can't. Peter I can't... I was so stupid" I break down in front of him, I was supposed to be happy. He wipes my tears away, his touch makes me sad. "I'm sorry... your not stupid, we both made bad mistakes but I will love you always and that's never gonna stop..." he stares at me and leans in, I gulp done hard and turn my face his lips land on my cheek. "Cov-" I shake my head and place my hand on his lips. "Don't, give me time you broke my heart..." he bites his lip and the urge I have to kiss him and make everything perfect again is an unreal amount but I can't. "See you in class..." I turn my back and walk away.

It's lunch and I'm sitting in my car, I've didnt his the past few weeks. I feel lost I have no one expect Chris off course but ones Peter was gone everyone was gone. Jacob has also been messaging me like crazy. I should call him, say sorry, say something. I need to love someone other than Peter. I need to experience love, life. I look at Jacobs number in my phone and hover my thumb over it for a while. Do it. Just who cares. Peter broke up with you. He doesn't want you and Jacob does. I click his number and take a deep breathe out, biting my lip.

"Lara jean?" I breathe out. A small smile creeps out. "Eh yeah, sorry Jacob for not calling I've been busy..." that's a lie, you've been heart broken and too scared to call. "I figured, I just wanted to say sorry for everything..." I  roll my head back against the seat of my car. "Don't be sorry, it wasn't a mistake or anything. I hope you know that..." I bite my lip, scared to hear the answer. "I'm glad.. haha... hows things with Peter anyway?" Great and we get to talk about Peter. "Well errr... we broke up weeks ago.. it's for the best..." I gulp down hard, for the best. You miss him lara jean, we all know it. "Are you okay?" I clear my throat "I actually think I am... how about we do something soon..." shit why did I ask that. "Tonight?" I bite my lower lip and without thinking "yes sounds good.." it comes out. No way will Peter ever get back with you now.

It's the end of the day and Jacob is coming to pick me up soon. He said he had something nice planned. I hope it is, I really need something to make me happy again and get over Peter. All I ever do is think of him, speak of him and look at him. I really hope this works and doesn't ruining everything...