Dear Peter, I will always love you

twenty two

I get out of my car and get to my locker as quick as possible. I go through my books and get out my chemistry book. I also get out my maths and English books so I don't have to go back later. I put them in my bag and turn around and make my way to homeroom. I walk slowly as I've got plenty time.

I reach home room and sit at the back and pull out my book. I start to read since everyone's not here yet. I flick through the pages and look up realising everyone's arrived. I look around the room and see Peter messing about with his friends. I smile and go back to reading my book. The bell goes and I quickly put it in my bag before getting up and following the flow of the class. "Hey.." he comes up next to me, he's so energetic. "Hey.." I continue with the flow as does he. "I enjoyed last night.. it was fun" he puts his arm around my shoulder and I feel almost uncomfortable since no one else knows. "Yeah me too.." I shrug him off, his face frowns and he suddenly shakes it off. "You going to that party on Friday?" His hands are now in his pockets and not next to mine. "Eh I wasn't planning on it.. I didn't know there was a party.." the truth is I don't get invited to parties since me and peter broke up. "Oh well you should totally come.." he gently leans against me smiling. "I'll see.." we turn the corner and all eyes are on us.. I'm not used to this attention. "You'll see, come on Covey you'll enjoy it" he pushing into me again and laughs "what are you gonna do sit in and make cupcakes with Kitty.." he mocks my usual weekend plans. He continues to laugh and I gently smile "things are different Peter.. my life changed after we broke up" I say truthfully as he isn't aware because his stayed the exact same. "Oh.." he says awkwardly "sorry I just mean..." he wraps his arm round my shoulder again "I know what you meant, it's fine but you should still come I can pick you up at 8:30" I look around the room not knowing if it's a good idea to go or not "come on Covey what's the worst that could happen.." I could fall completely in love with you again. He raises his eyebrows waiting for a reply "see nothing you'll have a great time and it just gives me an excuse to see you again.." he smiles bringing me in closer. The words I'm about to say I will soon regret "Yeah.. okay I'll go.." he smiles at me and pecks my head. We reach chemistry and before we enter I release myself from his grasp and run to my seat.

At lunch I rush to my car so I can grab subway for me and Chris, I'm about to start the car and there's a knock at my window. It startles me. I see it's peter and I roll it down "hi" I say open ended wanting to know why he's here "where you going?" He leans in the window so his face is in my car "subway.." he lifts his eyebrows up and my response and nods my head. "Can I come?" I bite my lower lip and look up trying to think of a reason he shouldn't "sure.." I let out as a sigh. He jumps in the car and we head off.

We're on our way back and it's silent. "Why don't you wanna be seen with me?" I'm a bit taken back by the question,  "em I'm not.." I continue to keep my eyes fixated on the road but I feel his burning into me. "What time is it?" I question, I hear him sigh "twenty past.. we got forty minutes.." I decided to drive to the beach, I park up and watch the waves go by.

"Why are we here?" I unbuckle my seat belt and put my legs on the chair. "I walked along that wall the night we had a massive fight.. I walk here when I need to think.." I lean my head and stare at him. "I didn't not want to be seen with you but all eyes were on us.. I just need time it's hard when you lose someone you love, I thought I would never get you back.." he reaches out and caresses my cheek, he keeps his eyes on mine.

"I know I'm sorry.." I can tell he's sorry, I smile a small smile. I place my hand on his, he smiles back and pecks my forehead. "We better be going?" He sighs, I can't help but feel bad. "Yeah lets go.." I say slowly before driving off back to school.

I walk to my locker making sure to get everything I need for going home when Chris slams her hand on the locker next to mine. "Woah! Chris I got a fright" I jump out my skin, her face is mad and she stares me down. "Did you forget something?" She raises her eyebrows keeping the same annoyed expression on her face. "Em..." I look up trying to find what I've done wrong. LIGHTBULB! I forgot the subway "Oh shot Chris I'm sorry, things just got complicated..." she still doesn't look impressed. "What could be more complicated than our subway?" She stands with her hands crossed. "Peter..." I look down not knowing how she'll react. "Oh, that is complicated.. what's going on with two anyway" I lean on my locker holding my book close to my chest. "I don't know.. I mean we're good, we're us but all the eyes on me I don't like it.." I sigh, she nods her head. "That's just you LJ, your private when he's not around but when he's around you open up not just to me but to the world and I think that's pretty cool.." I pout at how cute she was, I go in for a hug and she pushed me right off. "Still no hugs" she says sternly and I giggle.

I get home and the house is empty, my dads left a not "on call all weekend out of town, won't be back till Sunday, be good kitty's at grandmas. Ive left money in the drawer love daddy x" I sigh and dump my bag on the floor, I go through the fridge and grab a soda before going to my room. He never leave without telling me, it's weird. I decide to call him to make sure everything ok.

"Hey dad.." I say perky
"Hi lara jean what's up is everything okay?" His voice is concerned, no wonder.
"Yeah, why didn't you call me to say you were going is everything okay?" I sound concerned.
"Eh yeah just short staff so gotta go wherever they need, I tried calling you but your phone must of been off" he sounds rushed
"Oh yeah sorry, it's fine I'll call you later bye daddy love you" I sigh
"Love you too" he says quickly

The phone line goes dead and I'm sat by myself, well tomorrow is the party and then the rest of the weekend I could ask Chris to come over even though she won't. I would usually invite peter over but I don't know how I'm feeling. Maybe he could come over to just talk... talking nice.