Dear Peter, I will always love you

Ten

I wake up and my head hurts, it hurts so bad. I squeeze my eyes shut and shove the covers over my head feeling nauseous. I feel Peters arms wrap round me tighter. I must have changed into one of his shirts last night before going to bed. I take a deep breathe through my nose and out through my mouth. I feel like I'm going to spew, I rush up and out of the bed and into the bathroom. I slide down the bathroom wall until my bum hits the cold bathroom floor. I wrap my arms around my legs and place my head downwards breathing in and out deeply to stop me from being sick.

"Covey.... you alright?" I hear peters voice, I can feel his presence even though I don't look up. "Covey?..." I look up knowing he's worried, I nod. "I just feel sick, I must of drank a lot last night.." I lean my head against the wall breathing again. "Yeah we were both pretty gone by the end of the night... I'll go grab you some water" he kisses my forehead and rushes away.

All I remember of last night is speaking to Lucas and then going off to find Peter. The rest is really a blur. I feel my head pound, it so sore. Hangover are definitely not worth the night before. Trust me, they aren't. "Here's some water and an Advil, it should help" he pecks my cheek and hands me it. I quickly chuck the Advil down my throat and sip on the water slowly as Peter slides down and sits next to me. "Last night was good..." he snuggles into me, It was good up to the point where it goes blank. "Everything so blurry...I'm sure it was fun" I smile smally. "Wait do you not remember last night..." his voice has hurt laced throughout it, I study his face not knowing what I could forget that would make him so mad. "Well yes a little bit but after I found you everything was a bit blank..." I hear him sigh at my reply. "Of course you don't great..." he mumbles, he sits straight up against the wall and doesn't look at me. Actually he look everywhere but me. "Peter... what's wrong?" I say placing my hand on his, which he quickly flinches away. I gulp down hard as I feel a ball grow in my neck. That hurt. "Peter..." I whisper. "What's wrong, Covey how could you be so clueless. We had sex for fuck sake and you don't even fucking remember it" he jumps to his feet as he raises his voice, we had sex while I was drunk? Did he realise how drunk I was, did he just take advantage of me.

"Wait Peter, we had sex while I was drunk?" I get up slowly and squint my eyes at him. "While you were drunk?" My voice goes even more quiet. "Yes, we did. I'm the bad guy I get it!" He shouts even louder and walk into the bedroom and throws himself down on the bed. "Your not the bad guy... your never the bad guy.. to me" I slowly put my self next to him, I'm so confused. "Ugh Covey you don't understand!" He puts his hands in his face, I'm so confused why is he so angry?  "Peter it's fine, as long as we used protection... Wait we did use protection right?" I suddenly come to the realisation that we were both intoxicated and I highly down we'd be able to even get it on him. "Yes... But" I go straight into panic mode when he says 'but' "but what Peter!" My voice gets more concerned "it burst... I didn't realise till after and when I told you... you didn't seem to care..." his voice becomes more gentle now, I grab his hands not knowing what to say or do. The one thing I do know is, I can't have a baby not know. "Okay, it's fine... we can just go get a morning after pill or something. It's fine..." I feel my eyes heat up and I breathe in deep to hold in the tears. "Covey I'm sorry, I should have known better. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you" he wraps his arms around me but I push him straight off. "Wait you took advantage of me! Peter what the heck! Did you know I was more drunk that I led on or what because what your saying is you knew I was in no state of doing anything especially with you!" I shout at him, I stand up to my feet so I look strong and confident. "Covey who the fuck do you think I am? I was drunk too, I knew you were drunk but it wasn't like I forced you to have sex with me!" He shouts back standing taller in front of me. "I didn't say you forced me, all I'm saying is.. ugh! We should have never had sex in the first place!" I huff, I see his face start to boil and he gets extremely angry. "Is that really how you feel? You really regret it! Covey What the fuck are you doing being my girlfriend if you regret having sex with me!" He shouts 10x louder than before, I know I over stepped my boundaries. He grabs my wrist and pulls me out the door "Peter!" I shout at him yanking my arms trying to get it out his hand but he's too strong. "Come on were gonna get rid of the mistake and then we can be over with!" He shouts dragging me to the car, I feel my heart pounding and my eyes start to tear up. "Wait what?..." I hear my voice crack, as we're out side the car he doesn't answer me and he just lets go of me and get in the drivers side.

"Peter...please just talk to me I'm sorry.." I feel my bottom lip tremble, I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't want us to be over. I love him, forever and always. "Covey just be quiet..." he whispers, I do as he says and lean my head against the window and let the tears slip down my face. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so mean to him? He stops the car outside some house. He gets out but I stay put not looking at him. A few minutes later he gets in the car. "My cousin Jay is going to go in and buy us one..." I don't say anything, I don't even move. I keep my eyes closed tightly shut. "Covey did you hear me it's going to be over.." he places his hand on my shoulder and I flinch it off me. "Fine be like that Covey" he starts the car and drives again.

We get the pill and Peter hands me it with a bottle of water. I take it off him not saying a word. I have tear stains all over my face and don't even bother to wipe it off. I put the pill on my tongue and drink the water and gulp down the pill. It's over. I don't want it to be over. "We're done now, just like you want" he leans back in his seat and slams his hands against the steering wheel. "God dammit Covey talk to me" I want to speak to him but I don't know what to say. I take a deep breathe "Peter... I'm sorry..." I feel my self start to cry, like deeply and hard. I cover my face in my hands and I feel his arms wrap round me. "Peter I didn't mean it, I was angry... I don't wanna lose you..." I cry even harder that the tears soak through my fingers and onto my legs. "Covey... I'm sorry.... it's ok. We're ok shhh..." he rubs my hair and pecks my head.

"I never want to lose you...."