Rumours Ruined Us

Regrets

1976-1977

Lindsey sipped his glass of whiskey, once it was empty he threw it at the hotel room wall, releasing his anger as he watched it smash across the carpet, he hated everything.  He had lost Stevie, the love of his life.   He wished they had never joined Fleetwood Mac and agreed to making this second album with them.  Sure he loved the stardom and the hot groupies that were coming on to him, he loved kissing them and groping them when Stevie was around, trying to invoke some jealousy from her but, she seemed so distant and like the glimmer had died from her golden brown doe eyes. Those happy eyes he used to stare into every morning, every night, when they snag together, when they made love. He growled as he kicked over a chair, he had lost her.   he wanted to hate her for dumping him, for ending it, they had been on the rocks since their Buckingham Nicks album hadn't gained the fame they thought it would.   Then he had become overbearing to Stevie, trying to shelter her from all the drugs and other things she was now exposed too.  he knew he had been controlling but he was so worried, someone would do something to her.  He knew she was beautiful and desirable, also still having that childhood innocence and vagueness about her, which made her vulnerable.  Now he had lost her, he just wanted to hate her like he pretended, but he hated himself.

Stevie sat on the bed, she had just finished doing more cocaine out of her necklace, leaving her nose feeling numb and stuffy.  She curled up in a ball after realising her necklace was empty and she began clutching her arms around her knees, she was filled with regrets and feelings of worthlessness.  She missed Lindsey most of all and was hurt by how he had treated her recently, flaunting groupies and basically screwing them in front of her, insulting her songs and making her feel pathetic. She had only been with one man since Lindsey, she had tried to be discreet with Don but that had backfired.  A drunk and drug fuelled night with a broken condom, which Don shrugged off as 'I don't have any diseases!" had led into a pregnancy.  Stevie clamped her eyes shut, remembering the day she had told Don, she chewed on her thumbnail, remembering when Christine had accompanied her to the doctors, where the pregnancy was confirmed. She had been filled with mixed emotions, how could this be, why couldn't it be Lindsey's child, but she knew it wasn't, the timing was all wrong.   Stevie somehow had dreamed of marrying Don, raising the child and living in the house he was getting built but when she confronted him Don was shocked, freaking out, saying he didn't want a family, they couldn't do it, they were both busy with their bands and were too young to be parents, he told her to have an abortion, she couldn't raise a child with all the drugs she did.  He also put it into her head that the baby would have something wrong with it from the drug use already.    Now the abortion haunted Stevie, seeing the small pea-sized baby on the screen after they drugged her up and then it was gone.  She felt like she murdered it.  People would say she was a murderer and she had come close to several overdoses after it, Christine had found her and saved her, when she was unconsciously  vomiting from alcohol consumption or have a paranoid illusion from too much cocaine.   She just curled up crying, wishing Lindsey was holding her or Christine was there, telling her it was okay, it her decision was the right one. She just knew she needed to get more cocaine off Mick, it was the only thing that was keeping her going.

John and Mick smirked drunkenly at each other, John was off his face on beer and whiskey and Mick was coked out, they had just shared two hookers and were now coming down from the high 'Your fun too share women with John, your not greedy, you don't keep them for yourself!" winked Mick, pulling his jeans on after pushing the leggy blonde off his lap, she licked her lips at him. 

"I'm just trying to get over Christine!" John shrugged, the sadness returning in his voice.

"Mate, I got over Jenny, she cheated!" Mick replied, lighting a joint.

"Chris, never cheated on me, it was only rumours, she is not like that!" John snapped, re-dressing as well and pushing the other blonde prostitute away as she tried to grope him.

"Well everyone though she was fucking Curry before you knew!" Mick said "Deal with it, I gave Jen another shot!" Mick smiled, snorting a line of white dust with a rolled up note.

"I was married to Christine for eight bloody years, she gave up so much for me Mick, I was the wanker who drank too much and became an asshole, Jenny was just a cheat!" John half yelled.

Mick laughed not phased at his friend's outburst "Yeh probably, Chris was always more decent than Jen, isn't rumours a good name for a new album?" Mick interrupted.

John rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt on "I'm off to bed, I will never do as much coke as you!" John loved Mick, like a brother, but he also thought Mick was a coked out wanker at times too.

"Want a blow job baby?" asked the prostitute he had had just shagged.

"No, thank you," John smiled shyly and left.

"My name is Julie Anne and I really like you, your cute!" She purred.

"Your lovely too, goodnight!" He nodded, slipping her a few hundred dollars and leaving, he already felt like he was betraying Christine, even though they were finished. He missed her, so many years together. He blamed himself as he made his way back to his own hotel room, lonely and cold, that's how his life felt without Christine's warm ways.  

Christine placed the heat pack on her stomach, slight cramping was supposed to happen, she thought, as she poured another glass of wine, what had she done?  It seemed like a good idea making the decision that she never wanted to get pregnant, not after what a pregnancy and abortion did to Stevie, now she felt full of regret.  What if she met the right guy and wanted to have a child, she was only thirty three years old?   Christine felt herself begin crying, cocaine and bad men had helped push her to the decision.  It had to be the  right one hadn't it?  She proceeded to get drunk, her regrets flooding her mind.  She had no idea if she was even supposed to be drinking after the procedure, she hadn't bothered asking and didn't really care, never had she felt so low and depressed, she'd fucked up.                                                                           The minute she stepped out onto the street, half dazed after being cleared to go home, a pregnant woman with a pram had passed her and she had instantly burst into tears.   She missed John, Curry had left, he had clearly led her on and used her as a quick fuck when she was to drunk to realise and now she was alone, upset and broken.   She hadn't bothered telling Stevie about her decisions, Stevie was still struggling with the abortion even though it had been close to three months since it had happened now.   It had ruined Stevie and she had told Christine how it was like a piece of her heart had been ripped away with the baby, a piece that she would never get back.   Christine downed the wine and lit a cigarette. She hated this, all of it, including herself.   All she had wanted was to be John's wife in England and have a family.  She had never thought music would be her only life. She'd lost her marriage by trying to save it, joining John in Fleetwood Mac had been a starry-eyed, love struck fools decision.    She had always just wanted to be a housewife and a mother to his babies, now it was all gone, washed away with her past.   Never to return to her.   Her life was her piano, her keyboard, her songs and her alcohol.  She had to accept that.  

*New fic, hope everyone is enjoying it :), based on certain rumours, confirmed and not confirmed that I have read about*