Rumours Ruined Us

Unsure

"Hi Linds!" Stevie said softly as she walked out onto the balcony where Lindsey was stood still in his wedding suit as he puffed on a cigarette, the smoke wafting around him like his aura was shining out of his soul, all grey, sad and dulled, which made Stevie feel even worse. 

"Hi!" He muttered, looking down and not sounding focused. He sounded upset and that tore at Stevie's heart knowing she caused him to feel that way and she just hoped somehow she could change it.

"You have no idea how shit I feel, I fucking hate myself over this and I'm mad at John too! I wanted to tell you and Chris, so much but I didn't want to ruin what we just got back and John got back together with Chris almost instantly after she collapsed from the pregnancy and that infection way back!" Stevie tried to explain, exploding sadly to try and make things better as she stumbled across her words fastly.

"Just calm down Steph, stress isn't good for the baby, look at how Christine just had the twins early and they all nearly died from it, just focus on deep breathing and be calm or you might go into labour too!" Lindsey exclaimed, still panicked about Stevie and the baby, no matter what the circumstance.

"Your heart is broken and all you still worry about me, make me feel even worse!" She sighed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. 

"I fucking love you Stevie and I have since we were kids! Those feelings have never gone, they have only gotten stronger, like I married you today and thought we were finally making a life together again, then all this happened!" Lindsey sighed, shaking his head in sadness at how the happiest day of his life was ending at a hospital instead of the honeymoon suite that was especially booked for them.

"You don't want me anymore then?" Stevie squeaked, her voice choking up with tears and she felt it cracking as an ocean welled up in her eyes like a river about to burst its banks.

"Of course I want you, but how do you feel? Do you want me, what about the affair with John, I know it was before we were together, but for you to never mention it, it must have been that much to you!" Lindsey replied, feeling a little shaky.

"That's the whole point, it didn't mean anything to me! John and I were so drunk and coked out, its even hard to remember! It was just a comfort thing Linds, I never even thought back about it, it was a one night stand over a few nights!" She hastily explained, worried he was getting the wrong idea about the whole situation, when it meant nothing to her and she was sure the baby was Lindsey's.

"Well it must have meant something, especially to John, what about the baby too, all this time I thought it was mine, is there any chance it is John's?" He asked, forcing the words out like they psychically hurt him and he was worried they hurt her too, because they did hurt him, he never thought that was a question he would have to ask Stevie, who was now his wife. 

Stevie paused and felt even more upset, mainly from the look on Lindsey's face "The timing is wrong for the baby to be John's, I am also sure it is yours, I just know, even though you probably have no trust left in me whatsoever, it was always frail between us after all the heartbreak and hurt towards one another, but we both couldn't cope so we had regretful hook ups and got high to deal with how upset we were!" Stevie shakily stated.

Lindsey in his still sober state, nodded, he understood Stevie but he didn't want to seem weak either, he was a proud man and still felt like a weak one at times for how much he had always pursued Stevie, but he loved her and he knew she loved him, despite what they said or yelled to eachother, the love would always be there, so strong that is could easily turn to anger because of the pent up passion. He just felt hurt and foolish she had lied for so long. 

"Come on Linds, do you tell me every random hook up, please don't let this be the end, we have a future and a baby we waited so long for!" Stevie cried out, a mix of hurt and frustration, mainly at herself and John and the thought of loosing him.