Rumours Ruined Us

Guilt

"How could you!" Mick exclaimed as he followed John onto a balcony that was especially for smoking, with an ashtray and a view of the carpark and busy city, where John was quickly lighting a cigarette.

"How could I what?" John snapped back, turning around hastily, tense from guilt and stress.

"Fuck Stevie!" Mick bellowed.

"Tell the world!" John huffed angrily "It was a mistake, we were using eachother, she loves Buck and I love Chris, we were drunk, high, lonely and depressed, you are just jealous it wasn't you with her!"

"Stevie is broken at the moment, so are you!" Mick said softer.

"Well we were trying to fix ourselves, or eachother! I don't fucking know but it made everything worse!" John snapped.

"Christine fucked her whole life up because she is heart broken over you, she can never have a child now John and you are off with Stevie!" Mick half shouted and John paused, taking in the words. He couldn't answer.  He wanted Christine back, he hated himself over their marriage ending and he wanted children and a future with her.

"You know Mick, if I hadn't been getting pissed with you and shacking up with hookers and groupies, I could have been there for my own fucking wife!" John exclaimed more anger rising.

"You came to me as a shoulder to cry on John, all you did was stress Christine out, by running around drunk, the poor woman has hardly slept, I hear her up all night playing her keyboard, her room is next to mine, I heard her smash things, yell and cry!" Mick exclaimed and John felt worse.  

"Just go back inside Mick, I want to be alone!" John yelled in a growl and Mick went to speak but didn't. He just nodded and slinked back inside upset and worried for Christine too while John was stood out there alone and hating himself, he was devastated Christine had gotten herself sterilised and worse off, did it all alone in a drunken haze.  He was so upset he lost her again, they had only had sex again about three weeks ago and then they were back to the same shit, barely talking, hot and cold, too much damage.  Christine had caught him drunk with a woman all over him and that had set her off.  John blamed himself, he ruined her life and felt so much despair, he just wanted to hold her in his arms, be with her again and be a better husband and have a family with her, he loved her and always would and he didn't blame her for leaving him but he knew it was probably too late.

Mick made his way back inside and nearly ran into Stevie who was gilding up the hall rubbing her nose "Have you heard anything?" He asked the singer and she shook her head sniffling.

"I'm a horrible friend Mick, I needed to be there for her, she didn't even tell me or bother me, she has no one to talk to, she didn't trust me, she has been too busy trying to hold the band together like you have and no one was there for her, she could have died, she still could!" Stevie cried and Mick pulled her into a hug, unable to be angry with her, he already felt bad for snapping at John.

Lindsey watched Mick and Stevie and felt like an asshole because he felt a wave of jealousy, assuming they were together, they did have a connection and he was always over protective of Stevie, he loved her and still saw her as a naïve high school girl and felt like he had to protect her from the cruel world, also that he was the only one who could ever truly love her and he just wished things were different. He couldn't cope and only would ever admit that to himself,  lashing out at Stevie and being mean to her was his way of expressing the anger he held for himself and he even hated how he was using Carol Ann, everything was affecting him too much.

A nurse soon came up the hallway and noticed them "Is Mr McVie here, we have more news on the condition of his wife!" She said softly and Stevie quickly pulled herself from the embrace with Mick.

"He's out having a ciggie, but you can tell us, can we see her yet, she will hate here and be scared, she needs us!" Mick said firmly.

"She is awake, very dazed but still responding and answering, she is also impatient about being here too, you can see her if you like, the antibiotics we are giving her through the IV lines should help get rid of the infection, I really need to speak with her husband though!" The nurse said quickly.

"Is Chris going to be alright?" Stevie asked concerned even more.

"Yes, but we found another thing that appears to be an underlying issue of her health deterioration!" The nurse explained.

"Well tell us, we are basically family!" Mick exclaimed annoyed.

"I'm sorry I cant, I have arrange more tests, you are free to go and see her!" She nodded darting off with her clipboard and Stevie hurried off into the room.

Christine looked tiny and fragile, laying in the bed pale and hooked up to various things, her blue eyes unfocused as she looked at Stevie "Steph!" She smiled a little.

"Don't talk, just rest, how do you feel?" Stevie asked quickly, rushing over and grabbing her hand.

"Like I have been run over!" Christine chuckled lightly and then frowned.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, why didn't you tell me, Mick had to tell me about your operation!" Stevie stammered, tears forming in her eyes.

Christine shook her head and held back her own tears "I fucked up Stevie, your abortion scared me, I had unprotected sex with John which scared me more, I fucked up, I got drunk, high and stoned, for weeks and I fucked up!" Christine frowned more and a tear slid down her cheek.

"I only ever wanted a baby with John, not I will never have any!" Christine stammered and burst into tears and Stevie's heart broke for her, she understood Christine's feelings after her own guilt over her abortion and in her eyes Christine had lost children too, all the ones she could have had in the future, all for a rash and scared decision and Stevie didn't know what to do.

"I'm so sorry!" She cried and did her best to hug Christine, feeling overwhelmed with guilt over being with John and not being there for Christine.