Rumours Ruined Us

Heartbreak

*May be triggering* 

"You can see her now!" Barbara said softly glancing back and forth at everyone who had their eyes on her, waiting nervously for news on Christine and the twins.

"Good, where is she, how is she?" John asked hurriedly.

"She isnt in a good state but she is consious mostly, just dazed, weak and upset, she keeps crying about the babies!" Barbara frowned.

"Its a bad idea you seeing her John, you upset her!" Mick exclaimed "What if something else goes wrong, she just gave birth and had surgery!"

"She is my fucking wife, no one is stopping me from seeing her!" John snapped "Take me to her now please Barbara!"    

"I want to see her too!" Stevie interrupted, quietly.

"Just you both for now, we don't want too many people at once!" Barbara smiled and led them up the hall "She is in here, I already talked a bit to her, but she is upset, maybe you should see her one at a time, she did just come out of surgery!" Barbara said pointing to a door which John quickly pushed through and stopped when he saw his pale wife laying in the bed, looking small and fragile, hooked up to various machines and drips and she had her eyes closed but he could tell she was just crying still.

"Honey!" He whispered walking closer and lightly touching her hand with his thumb.  She opened her eyes slowly and the usual vibrant blue was now dull, glassy and she looked at him unfocused like she had been smoking marijuana, her eyes were red too from all the crying.

"Its all my fault, I got sterilised while they were inside of me, its like I jinxed them!" She stammered her voice shaky as a fresh wave of tears streamed down her cheeks. 

"Chris, you didn't know they were in you! Once you did, you did everything for them while you carried them, its my fault, I was drunk and feeling guilty about having sex with Stevie!" He muttered, shaking his head at himself, feeling even worse now she was blaming herself for the early birth of their twins "I am so sorry!" 

She felt hazy and was now reminded of what appeared to cause her labour, she looked away still hurt by the long-lasting lie and why John had even bothered telling her, she also wondered how Stevie couldn't have told her, she had no words.  All she could think of was her babies and she hoped with every fibre of her being that the tiny little miracles would be alright "They were so small and tiny John, I'm not even allowed to hold them! I haven't even seen them properly but they thought our little girl was dead when they pulled her out of me! I cant even feed them because they are too small to suckle yet!" She cried "My stupid body failed them!" She whimpered and burst into an overflow of tears.  

"No, its my fault!" John exclaimed his heart aching as he watched his usually strong wife falling apart and hating herself over the whole mess. 

"I want to see them, are they even alive John or is the hospital lying, are you all lying to me again?"  Christine asked hurting.

"They are alive Chrissy, just in some thing called the NICU!" John soothed.

"I want to see them!" She exclaimed and started trying to get up, even though she felt like she could barely move, her whole lower half felt odd and she presumed it was the epidural.  

"No, don't, you just gave birth!" John exclaimed trying to hold her in the bed.

"Get off me, I want my babies, I just want my babies!" She repeated and wept as she stopped struggling and  just started crying hysterically, she realised she was hooked up to too many machines to even get out of the bed and she felt unable  to walk. 

"Barbara will be checking on them now, a nurse or something should be by soon too, they said they need to express your milk for the babies, so you will still be feeding them!" John explained, trying to comfort her as he cried himself.

"Its not the same, imagine how much pain they are in, I couldn't protect them, our little girl couldn't breathe properly. I wish I had died and not them!" She wept "I was never meant to have children, they deserved better than me to carry them!" She cried and hit at the bed furiously, John heard all the machines making a lot of noise too and he got panicked.

"Chrissy calm down, they will be alright, they are our babies and we are both fighters!" John soothed.

"I'm not, I killed them!" She cried more and struggled to breathe

"You didn't!" he cooed and thought how he had "Chris?" He exclaimed and watched her clutching her chest "Christine!" He yelled as she started gasping for air, crying still and started loosing consciousness. 

"Chris!" He exclaimed and squeezed her hand to try and help her from whatever was happening and listening to all the noise of the machines "Chrissy baby! Christine, don't fucking leave me!" He yelled and gently shook her, then hit the nurse button and ran out of the room into the corridor "Someone help, I think she had a heart attack! I killed her!" He screamed and watched as staff ran in.