It's Complicated

Chapter 6

It was Wednesday, and Mr. Hoying and I had just finished another tutoring session. I had begun to look forward to these, actually.

"Mr. Hoying? Can I ask you a question?" I asked Mr. Hoying, and he looked up at me, grinning. I loved his smile, it showed genuine happiness, and his smile could brighten anyone's day.

"You already did, but sure," He said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, Mr. Hoying-"

"Before you keep going, please, call me Scott when it's just you and I. Mr. Hoying is waay to formal. It makes me feel old. Way too old," He said.

"Okay. Scott. What are your plans for the future? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I asked him softly. His eyebrows furrowed a little bit, it was cute.

"I definitely see myself still teaching. Sharing my knowledge with young people and enhancing their learning makes me happy. I was a music and science major, and since you guys already had a choir teacher, I decided to do science, which is fun," Scott said, and I stared at him in surprise.

"You sing? Are you any good?" I asked him. He looked down bashfully, redness coloring his pale cheeks.

"We're getting off topic," He said, and I made a mental note to myself to ask him about his singing some other time.

"Oh yeah. So apart from teaching, where else do you see yourself in 5 years?" I asked him curiously.

He stared out the window as he spoke. "I like to think that I'll have found a partner by then. A man who will be my entire life, who I value above everyone else. And hopefully he'll feel the same way about me," He said. He looked back at me and our eyes met. I coughed and looked away.

"May I ask you a question now, since you've had the chance to ask me one?" Scott asked, and I nodded apprehensively. 

"Why do you do drugs?" He asked quietly. I looked away. 

"I just- I didn't want to. But it's a stress reliever, and what can I say? I'm in high school, all of my friends do it, and my mom is abu-" I broke off, realizing what I had said. His eyes widened and he took my hand.

"Your mother hits you?" He asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yeah, but please don't do anything. I can deal with it myself, I don't want you to worry," I pleaded, and he said nothing but dropped the subject. 

"I don't want you to do drugs anymore. Can you please try to stop? For me?" I nodded in defeat.

"I will try," I said warningly. He smiled.

"That's all I'm asking," He said, and kissed my hand. The contact between us sent a fire through my body and made my heart race like crazy. I swallowed and blushed as he kept our hands entwined as we looked out the window. The bell rang and we said our goodbyes.

-

I giggled and took another swig of vodka that Jonah had given to me. Our parents were at Jonah's house, and Jonah and I had the house to ourselves. I was tipsy, and everything else was numb. I jumped up as I heard the door open downstairs. I scrambled to hide the drink but Jonah held my wrist.

"Jus- just leave it," He slurred. He was obviously more intoxicated than I was. "If anything, they- them- they're probably drunk too." I nodded and walked downstairs. Jonah's dad (who was named.Bruce), saw me first and sneered. 

"What are you doing, faggot," I rolled my eyes.

"What can't think of a better insult? At least find one that hurts my feelings, because that one is true," I said, and blinked as what I had just said dawned on me. Bruce and my mom both looked at me in shock. My mom acted first, and stepped forward, smacking me on the head. Hard. I stumbled backwards. 

"You're gay?!" She snarled. She walked over to me and picked me up by my hair. "Answer me!" I nodded as tears srpung to my eyes.

"Out! I don't give a fuck where you go! You aren't allowed back here until tomorrow!" She ordered, pointing towards the door. I jumped up as quick as I could and ran out the door. The tears were streamign down my face now.I groaned as I looked up at the sky. It was raining, and it looked like a thunderstorm was in store. I continued down the block, but not before looking back at my house, hoping that maybe, just maybe, my mom had changed her mind and would invite me again. That she would say that she cares about me, and accepts me.

Nothing.

After I had walked 2 or 3 miles car drove by, and I was surprised it didn't splash me with water. I continued walking and I noticed the car had stopped, but I just kept walking. The person probably wouldn't do anything anyway. I gasped as I felt two hands touch my shoulders, but it was gentle. I looked up and saw Mr. Hoying, and water was dripping from his blonde hair and he had on a gray knit sweater with a few designs. He said nothing, instead pulled me into his arms and let me cry.

"You're gonna get sick out here. C'mon, I'll take you to my apartment, if that's okay?" He asked in a worried tone. I nodded and sniffed. He opened the passenger door for me and I got in, shivering. He got in too, and shut the door. He took off his sweater and handed it to me. It was really big, but looked warm and comfortable at the same time, and it was only slightly damp. I slipped it over my head and melted at the scent. He turned on the radio so it was only background music. As we drove back to his house, he picked up my hand in his own and held it the entire way there.

Once we reached his house, he led me upstairs into his bedroom. He pointed to the bed. "You can sleep here tonight, I'll be downstairs. Yell if you need anything," He said, but I held onto his arm.

"Please stay with me," I begged, and he hesitated but nodded, entering the bedroom and shutting the door.

-

We ended up on his bed, his back was on the headboard and my head was on his chest. I was happy in this position. I felt safe. I had told him what had happened at my mom's house, and he had listened well.

"What made you realize you were gay?" Scott asked me quietly as he played gently with my hair. It was funny, considering he had practically predicted it that day im class, when I had set up a date with Cindy. But he sounded genuinely surprised.

The lights had gone out due to the heavy rain, and I was grateful that it hadn't started thundering. Yet. I twisted in his arms and looked up at his face, which was moonlit and beautiful in contrast to the dark room.

I pulled a brave move. "You." I whispered, and pulled my face up slowly. I put my hands on his shoulders, and I pressed my lips to his urgently. I kissed him for a few moments, and I was surprised when his arms tightened around my waist. We kissed for a few moments, and he lifted me up onto his lap. I kissed him hungrily, as I took my hands off his shoulders and reached up to tangle them in his hair.

I moaned as he squeezed my ass slightly, and our kiss ended abruptly as we were both brought back to reality.

"Stop. This isn't right," He said hoarsely as he stood up. He walked over to the window and rested his forehead on the glass.

"I want this, Mr. Hoy- Scott. I want you, Scott. I want you," I said, swallowing. He swallowed, shaking his head.

"No. I- I can't," He said. I my eyes water.

"You're my student Mitch! This can't happen between us," Scott said. I burst into tears. I saw agony on his face as he watched me cry.

"At least.. stay with me tonight. I don't want to be alone," I whispered, and he nodded, extending out his arms  and pulling me onto his chest once more.

What have I done?