// unconditional- freya ridings / skinny love- birdy / lost & found- lianne la havas //
Jimin was tossing and turning, in his own bed, in too much guilt to face his Hoseok. Questions without answers spiralled his brain, and worries surrounded him.
Looking around the room, his gaze landed on his laptop on his desk. He got up out of bed and walked towards the laptop.
Logging in, he loaded up google, clicking on the search bar. Typing, he entered: 'asexuality'.
Thousands and thousands of results appeared, and Jimin read as many as his head could take. He wanted to know what it was like, and if he really was asexual. He was only 19 and had never had sex before, so didn't know if it was only because he was embarrassed, or he was afraid for his first time.
But it was more than that.
He was asexual.
He turned from his desk, looking at the peaceful sleeping Hoseok, breathing in and out in rhythm.
A whisper escaped his plump lips: "I'm sorry."
He turned back to the laptop and kept reading about the spectrum of asexuality, hundreds of unanswered questions still spiralling through his mind.
* * *
What was greysexuality?
Was that him?
He loved kissing Hoseok.
He loved holding his hand.
He loved hugging him.
He wished he didn't go into such panic and pain when Hoseok wanted to have sex with him. Reading about some stories, he wished he was like some of the people on there that felt simply dull. At least then he could make Hoseok feel happy.
Who was he kidding? He loved Hoseok, and he knew Hoseok loved him. His self-worth was enough not to suffer pain for Hoseok's pleasure.
He was in love with Hoseok, not obsessed with him.
He turned back to face him, asleep, longing to cuddle next to him.
Turning back again, he gave in, getting up and sliding under the duvet next to Hoseok. He lifted Hoseok's arm up and around himself, keeping him warm.
