❝Can you hear my heart breaking inside my chest? Can you hear my screams? Because I don't think you can, and that scares me even more, because what if no one saves me?❞
ORDER of the PHOENIX,
DEATHLY HALLOWS
...
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𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓 too far gone
✦
MAIA WAS ABSOLUTELY terrified. There were not many moments in her life where she could associate the feeling, finding that she lived a positively safe and happy life until she reached Hogwarts and there were secrets she had to keep and also, well, it's Hogwarts with the Almighty Chosen One – nobody was safe. But this year marked the peak of her fear, her drag into the enveloping darkness as she trudged onwards.
It was only natural that she felt this way, yet she felt so bad for being scared when Sirius could be being tortured at the very moment. It felt so selfish, but Maia was always the selfish one, wasn't she? She was the one who didn't want the world to know about her squib brother, the one who didn't care about his interests even when Leo soaked up all her stories about Hogwarts. She was the one who rejected everything muggle because at night, alone, she would keep herself awake thinking about the possibility that it could've been Leo with all the magic and she the squib.
Their lives would be so different then. Maia would be so utterly bitter of him since he got to experience the wonder of Hogwarts, he would have all the spells and adventures that she did, and she would be left with her maths and sciences. Maia was selfish enough to be glad that she was the one with magic.
But now her life was changing and her magic, the very thing she loved most about herself, was transforming into this beacon of darkness and wickedness. She felt positively sick to have this magic flowing through her veins and selfishly she wished it was Leo who had to take this burden and not her. She did not want this cursed magic anymore; she wanted to be free yet she was chained so far that she would never escape. She knew that.
Maia was forever bound to this curse, forever bound to her selfish thankfulness that she was the one who was gifted with magic, forever bound to a cause that was so similar to her yet so different. She had never believed herself to be better than muggles, but she rejected them just the same. The belief seemed so silly now.
"Never again..." Ron muttered when they got off the Thestrals, arriving at the Ministry.
Maia didn't mind the ride, though her mind was carried away so far that she wasn't present enough to know whether the ride was uncomfortable or not.
"What now, Harry?" Ginny asked their self-proclaimed leader.
(She knew that, logically, he was leading them because he had the vision and everything, but what truly qualified him to lead everyone? Maia had always been confused about that.)
They walked into a telephone booth before entering the Ministry, which was dark and vacant seeing as it was after hours and everyone had already gone home. Still, there was eerie feeling just stuck in the darkness. She was thankful that Calypso muttered lumos and they could finally see around the building.
