❝Can you hear my heart breaking inside my chest? Can you hear my screams? Because I don't think you can, and that scares me even more, because what if no one saves me?❞
ORDER of the PHOENIX,
DEATHLY HALLOWS
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𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖞-𝖔𝖓𝖊 phantom pain
✦
LEO FELT NUMB. He thought he had lost his ability to care, to feel, after that day when it was all torn and siphoned out of him in the form of his friends' betrayals. When he learned that his friends were only there on missions, that one wanted him dead and willing to kill him – had come there with the intention of seeing him dead that day – and the other only barely stopped it. Had lead his almost murderer to his location so that he could die.
They had betrayed him, the same way that his sister had, but it hurt in a different way. The pain was forever linked with any physical feeling as he remembered Jasper's sneer as he uttered out Crucio and unimaginable pain began to rake through Leo's body, making him cry out in pain, screaming and writhing helplessly on the ground. If Jasper had killed him, he would have had no way to stop it, and he would have been dead.
As he felt his fingers touch the sheets on his bed, as he ruffled his hands in her hair, he remembered the touch of Jasper that lured him in and made him feel so utterly safe. He remembered their lips touching and how he wanted so much more from the boy, how he truly felt loved and wanted for the first time in his life. Not second best, not a downgrade, but the first. He was wanted even without magic. Now, as he touched his hair, he remembered Jasper and he remembered the pain.
When he thought of magic, he thought of how it was used against him, how he was crippled by it for minutes, tears streaming down his face as he cried without any aid. No one was coming to save him, no one even knew where he was.
Magic was something he used to desire so much, magic was something he used to pray about, wishing and dreaming that one day he would wake up with it and he was just a late bloomer but he did have it inside him all along...but now he looked at magic and he couldn't help but flinch.
All that childhood wonder, all that wishing and dreaming, all that hopeless wanting of it was gone. He did not want magic, he despised magic. Magic had hurt him, magic had torn his insides and made him cry out in pain. Magic was the reason his birth father wanted him dead, magic was the reason his sister betrayed him, and magic was the reason the people he thought cared about him and placed him first turned their backs against him.
Maia had turned her back when she had gotten her letter, feeling so elevated onto the pedestal of a witch that Leo did not have and ever since then he never had a sister. It was only when she turned into a murderer and Death Eater that he truly realized that – when the ultimate betrayal occurred did he realize that he should have seen it coming for a long time.
He was Thea's mission. She was supposed to keep her on him and when the time was right, they brought in Jasper to subdue him and make him fall in love, to make him weak so that Jasper could kill him and he almost succeeded. He could've been dead if it hadn't been for Thea stepping in, but her stance there was not enough. She still betrayed him and he still hated her.
