❝Can you hear my heart breaking inside my chest? Can you hear my screams? Because I don't think you can, and that scares me even more, because what if no one saves me?❞
ORDER of the PHOENIX,
DEATHLY HALLOWS
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𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖞 ignorance is bliss
✦
LEO WISHED HE could go back to yesterday, or the day before that - any day before this one - any day before when he found out. When he was locked away in blissful ignorance and pretending that everything was alright and fine and dandy in his life with a goofy smile on his face because he was fine, he was better than fine, and he was so fucking good.
When he was smiling on top of the world, holding Jasper's hand tightly under the table, talking to Thea and pretending like she didn't want her two friends together for whatever reason, sipping at his tea and talking with them when he should be focusing on homework because spending time with his boyfriend and best friend sounded so much better. Maybe he didn't have magic, but he had his friends, and that seemed like a much better option to him.
He wanted yesterday, when went to bed with a smile on his face because Jasper walked him home and kissed him sweetly on the front porch with the promise of tomorrow and maybe - just maybe - Leo thought about forever with him. It was a silly thought, so tied up in young love with the want of forever and closure and high that someone wanted him, but he thought about forever.
Forever being loved, forever feeling this high, forever on top of the world with nothing that could bring him down. But, oh, things brought him down. The world came crashing like the waves at the beach, overtaking him and holding him under where he couldn't breathe because just like on a rollercoaster, when you go up you must come down. Every high has a low, but this was such a low to match the extremeness of his high.
Because he was so high, so drunk in love, and it had been so lovely to be wanted. For the first time in his life, he had friends who put him above what the right thing to do was, and he felt so complete - so whole. When he sat next to Jasper, holding his hand and trading little secret looks knowing that it was them and they were together even when the world couldn't know, across from Thea in their little coffee shop on the corner of Kingston Street and a twenty minute walk from his house, he felt whole. Complete. Like everything was right and he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
But he wasn't so high and so drunk in love anymore. When he went to bed, he dreamed of forever, but he had been awoken to the ghost of his sister crying and asking for him not to hate her - whispering that she had done something unforgivable yet she still reached for forgiveness.
He remembered staring at the place where Maia had sat on his bed, the ghost of her anyway, for what felt like hours on end in the middle of the night, his heart tearing at itself because he didn't know what Maia had done but only that he loved her still. He whispered that back to her, the promise of love, but now - now, of course, in the morning when news had broken to everyone and no one in the wizarding world was unaware of what had just transpired the night before - now he didn't know if he could keep his promise of love.
