Say It Back || SoonHoon (#wattys2019)

forty-seven

우지
"But where do I start?" You speak after a short while.

"From the beginning," I reply.

It took a lot to bite back the 'duh' that is supposed to end my sentence.
I can't afford to be my rude self right now. It might break you some more.

You sigh and place your cup of ice cream on the living room table.

"My dad left when I was thirteen," you start.

Your voice sounds shaky and still hesitant but I'm glad you've decided to tell me.

"He got angry at me... when I.. when I told him I liked this boy in my class. It was the day I told him I was gay.

He left because of that.

He told me that queer people are stupid because boys... should like girls and girls should like boys."

You weakly scoff. "Does that make sense?"

I don't reply and wait for you to continue.

"My mom didn't get mad at all.
She smiled at me, and she accepted me.

She told me that I shouldn't believe  what my dad said.

After my dad left though, I sometimes could hear her cry in her room... in the middle of the night when she thinks I'm asleep.

I knew it was my fault-"

"It's not your fault," I cut in.
I won't let you think that.
The only thing you should feel sorry for is bottling up your feelings and running away.

"How do you know?" You ask with your wide glassy eyes staring at me.

I bite down on my lip, thinking of what to say.

"I just know, okay. I just do."

호시
Your words confuse me, but I'm too busy with my own emotions to think about it for now.

I let out a sniffle before I continue.

"My dad told me that everyone hates gay people.. right before he walked out the door."

You sit quietly as you listen to me talk.

"I didn't really believe him," I mumble. "Even up to now."

"And that's why I confessed to Wonwoo," I finish. "I t-thought.. everything w-would be fine."

I can feel tears starting to pool once more in my eyes. I bend my head down, hoping that my bangs will cover it up.

"I guess he was right," I add in the end.

"No he wasn't," you say after a short period of silence.

I look up at you. "Yes, he was," I say harshly, although I don't mean to.

"Wonwoo obviously hates me. He's disgusted with me. And then you-"

"So what if he does?" You bite back with the same tone. "What he thinks doesn't matter anymore. And then I, what? I don't hate you. Do you actually think that?

Well maybe I did in the first place. I was annoyed at you because you kept trying to talk to me. But things can change you know. Y-You're not that bad.."

"Are you lying?" I ask you.

You glare at me a bit. "Why would I?"

I scoff and look away. "Tch. It's not like you get me anyways. What do you even know about liking someone?" I end sarcastically.

I hear your reply.
Simple yet troubling.

"I know more than enough, Soonyoung. More than you do."