Say It Back || SoonHoon (#wattys2019)

forty-eight

호시
The sun has disappeared and the moon has taken its place. I'm lying down on my bed. Just thinking.

The realization of what happened earlier rushes through my mind.

Your arms around me as I cried.
Your whispers of comfort in my ears.

The fact that you saved me in front of Wonwoo. You told him you were my boyfriend.

I smile to myself.
Do I actually deserve you?
How can a straight man say that so easily? Even if it's not real,
it must've been difficult and embarrassing.

I sigh.

I used to imagine Wonwoo's embrace.
How happy I'd be when I'd receive it.

I got yours instead.
Those thin pale arms hugged me tight instead of the strong ones I wished for.

And honestly, it was nice.
I felt safe in your arms, something I wanted to feel with Wonwoo.

I learned a new side of you today.
You're actually really soft.
You care a lot.

"Thank you, Jihoon."
I promise,
I won't forget to tell you that.

우지
I can't sleep.

I'm thinking about you again.
It's the same kind of night like the ones I keep having recently.

Except maybe I'm a bit more wide awake than ever before.

I keep wondering if you heard it.
If you heard me say that I was your boyfriend.

Probably not.
But you also could've heard it, and didn't think much about it.

I sigh as I frustratedly bury my face in my pillow hoping that maybe I can just suffocate myself to death and not think about all this stuff.

I hate you so much for making me feel this way. I know I'm risking everything again. I should've learned my lesson by now.

"I like you."

My voice comes out muffled because of the pillow.

I'll tell you eventually.
When you're not hurting.

One broken boy in a friendship of two is bearable. But two of them would be too much for either to handle.

I can't get hurt knowing you don't like me back. Especially when I know you're still suffering.