Was Never Enough

Wait

Alyssa : As I told him the news he was shocked and just like that he pulled me into a hug .

" Alyssa you don't even know what you gave me, it's my biggest dream to start my own project and I finally get to do this just because of you . I don't even know how much I owe you . You just gave the world to me . "

with that more tears came to my eyes . I never expected that he would say such sweet words . As we pulled away he very gently wiped away my tears and he kept his hand on my cheek and gently rubbed it with his thumb he was being so nice and caring these days .

But I knew that if we do anything more then it might lead us being awkward around each other which I never wanted so I started shifting and creating some space but I guess he knew what I was doing .
But he just stopped me from going any further by placing his hand on my back and started pulling me towards him a bit .

I looked back at his hand but the moment I turned back, he brought his lips on mine and I was frozen on the spot . Until now every time we kissed was either because we were forced to like the day of are wedding or when he was drunk .

I never kissed him back but today I wanted to . He was so nice to me , I felt like he genuinely cared and I wanted to show him the love too but I knew that he might regret it later .
When he was about to pull away realising that I wasn't into it , I could not control my self any further so I kissed him back .

And one kiss lead to another and I never realised when I sat on his lap and when we removed each other's shirt . I was always so shy and I knew that he has seen me just in my bra before but today was different I didn't even know if he would like the way I was . I just felt that I was not good enough for him because if you just look at him you'll realise how hot he actually was he had a good built , he had perfect muscles at perfect places and don't even talk about his abs a full package he was and on the other hand I was nothing in comparison to him, I was just an average looking girl with just average sized boobs and average ass which I don't think would excite any men .

I was ashamed of myself so I just kept looking at him waiting for him to leave or just laugh at me or something .

But he didn't even said a word for a while and just stared at me I guess he might be comparing me to Lisa . Everyone does it and I am the one who stands no where around her . We both were similar but I was blessed with all the qualities that attracted no one and she was just perfect . I don't deny the fact that sometimes I get jealous but who wouldn't .

I was dragged out of thoughts as he lifted my head but I never looked at him

" Al look at me " he said and as I did he kissed me and it wasn't the normal kiss it was intense slow and filled with passion .

" Al you don't know how beautiful you are . You are just perfect ." and if I wasn't melted with the kiss earlier his words now just touched me to my core .

I kissed him with all the love I had . The kiss was longer then ever he cupped my face between both his hands and kissed my forehead . I was so glad that our relation was moving forward and I guess I was wrong earlier about getting close .

I was on cloud nine when he just picked his t-shirt and made me wear it . Seriously what was it . I guess someone above heard that I was happy and turned the situation around . I was so confused .

I was just getting up when he held my wrist and pulled me back and said

" Al before we go any further with this I wanted to ask you something and I want you to be very honest "

I was so confused and tensed and I just nodded .

" Al did you really married me because you loved me ?" when I looked up at him he was staring right back at me .

How could I tell him that I loved him all along even when we were apart but I never married him because of that .

Yes I married for love but it was the love for my sister and family . I had tears in my eyes again and I had no words .I just said

" no " and I knew this is it and everything would end right in this moment .

He didn't looked shocked or hurt or had any other emotions on his face . It was like he already knew my answer .
His next question brought me back to the reality

" then why did you marry me and why did Lisa had to leave that day ? Al I want to know the actual reason and trust me that whatever it is it wouldn't change the way I feel about you but at least I should know about it . "

I was again out of words . I didn't want to lie to him about it but I had no other option . I can't just open up about something when it concerns someone else so much and it's not mine to tell . I won't like it if he judges her on that basis . I kept quit and silently cried . I wanted to tell him the truth but I can't ever tell him that .

He wiped my cheek and kissed me after which he said
" you know you can tell me right "

Now someone tell me, how can I just lie to him even if I want to . I had admired him for so many years so how can I not trust him . With a very heavy I nodded and said

" Sorry Blake......b b b... but I can't tell you the actual reason . Its not that I don't ........trust you enough to tell you , I really...... want to tell you about it but Blake ...." I sobbed again .

" But what is it Alyssa . why can't you really tell me ??" he waited for my answer but I could never reply . I continued looking down I knew that he would have been hurt and it killed me that I couldn't even tell him the reason when I even knew about .

I never wanted him to hate me again and treat me the way he earlier use to treat me .

" Blake I'll tell you about but you can't........"
I was about to tell him the whole thing when the bell ranged and we were interrupted .

When I looked at him again he had his eyes closed and it looked like he was holding back something .

" Blake....."
I was about to say something when he kissed me again and we kissed like we knew it was our last . None of us wanted to break the moment but the bell ranged again and Blake groaned breaking the kiss and kissed my forehead as he said

" Never mind Alyssa you can tell me whenever you want to . " and turned towards the door . I just kept on staring at him as he walked towards the door .

He is the nicest person that I had ever met and the only person who would wait for me to tell the reason .

I'll tell him the moment I get to know about Lisa . I hadn't talk to her since the day of that day and I want to know if she is safe and when would she tell dad about it or when she'll come back . She just went missing but I knew I could easily find her she is a model and eventually she would have to come in the limelight and tell about her sudden absence .

I waited for him to come and thinking for something to tell him . He came back with pizza boxes and switched on the television as he sat next to me . He wasn't wearing any t-shirt as the one he was wearing earlier was mine now .

" Al don't think to much just have your pizza, I know you are hungry " He said passing me the pizza .

We just saw some random movie after which I drifted to sleep and the last thing I remember was him kissing me on the forehead .

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Love you all .