I Love You To LA and Back (A Connor Franta Fan Fiction)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I got up as quietly as possible and walked to the bathroom.  I took out my phone in which, I sadly already had my letter written out.

Dear Members of o2l, Hannah, and family,

This is not your fault, this was my decision. You all deserve your own goodbyes.

Hannah: You were there for me when I cried. You told me that I mattered when no one else thought I did. But I took away from your life. You could have been hanging out with someone who liked to have fun, but you didn’t. I am so sorry.

Mom:  I know how much you tried. You wanted me to meet new people and do something. But despite all that I refused.  I love you and please don’t worry about me, I’ll be with Jacob again.

Dad: We never really got along. I thought you just didn’t love me when I was younger but really you just wanted to keep me safe. I love you Daddy.

o2l: I love you boys.

Sam: Promise me to keep partying on? You were like a little brother that always gets into trouble, and to that I say, I’m going to miss you lil’ bro.

JC: I never got to know you as well as I wanted to, yet you always told me if I needed anything, I could ask you. I know that you are going to think I should have come to you before doing this but I couldn’t. I need to go.

Trevor: Never give up on your dreams. People will tell you that you can’t sing, people will call you gay, but you have to stay strong. You don’t want to end up like me. All of those people are liars.

Kian: You have to keep Hannah happy. I will personally ask god to send you to hell if you break her heart. But thank you. For being funny and keeping me grounded for as long as possible.

Ricky: I love you. So much. Thank you for being my “sexy older brother”.

And lastly Connor. I don’t even know what to say. I thought I would have a longer time with you. I thought we might have a future. Well you do, just not with me.  I love you Connor. I love you, I love you, I love you. And there is nothing you could have done to stop me. This is me. I want you to keep on living your life and find someone new. Someone that won’t hold you back. Goodbye.

- Kara

My lip quivered and tears ran down my cheeks. I locked the door and heard the fight outside the door stopped.  I had to move fast if I didn’t want to get caught.  I got up quietly and opened the medicine cabinet. I picked out a bottle of my emergency anxiety pills and took a deep breath before swallowing a handful of the purple pills and falling to the ground in tears. There was a soft knock on the door.

“Kara! Open the door baby! Come on don’t do this please!” Connor yelled knocking his fists against the door.

“I’m sorry Connor but it’s already done.”

“THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!” I could hear Ricky sob out loudly.

“Kara! Please let us in!” Now it was Hannah sobbing. Then the door flew open. Sam had picked the lock.  The pill bottle was on the ground with the medicine spilling out all over the floor. I started to feel drowsy. My head was spinning and Connor caught me as I fell backwards.

“NO! NO! NO!” He yelled. Kian held Hannah in his arms, her face burrowed in his shoulder. Trevor was obviously calling the hospital.

“Connor an ambulance is on it’s way. Everything will be okay.” Trevor said.

“NO TREVOR! IT’S NOT OKAY SHE’S ALREADY SPACING  OUT!” Connor screamed slapping Trevors hand off of his shoulder. He lifted the lid off the toilet and held my hair out of my face. “Throw them up now Kara!” I shook my head no. He took two fingers closed his eyes, opened my mouth, and stuck his fingers into my mouth and lightly touched my throat. I involuntarily vomited up the pills. Connor took a towel, wiped up my face then pulled my weak, fragile body and pulled it into his. He swayed back and forth with me, while rubbing circles on my back.  I heard sirens blaring and saw lights flashing outside. Connor picked me up and carried me downstairs and out the front door. He put me down on the stretcher and begged until they let him get in the ambulance with me.  “Please you have to understand I’m not leaving her side!”

“Fine just don’t touch anything.” The man told Connor. I laughed and then started to cough.  

“Shhh baby. Everything is all right. We’re going to the hospital.”  I nodded before Connors face got blurry, my eyelids got heavy, and everything went black.