DEVIANT

This Is Me

"And what makes you think Seoras would just let you take me away from him?"  Emmy asked. "You don't have the strength or military power to challenge him. Besides, I won't leave with you, even if you try to kidnap me, I'll runaway.  I am Lady Tomas of Ceco now. Not Lady Emmy Light of Igoh. That Emmy that you knew so long ago, died when General Light died."

Arashi sighed heavily and he knew she was right.  However, he couldn't help himself. He loved her for so long.  She was the only woman he could imagine seeing himself being with.  His heart felt as if a large rock was pressing down on it.

When Arashi fell into silence, Emmy decided to tease him to break the silence.

"What kind of a dragon's courage did you eat, that made you so courageous? I don't remember you being like this.  You were usually the first one to hide behind the teacher's robe when I came after you."

Arashi smiled.  "The only reason why I hid behind them is because I didn't want to get hit by you and at the same time get you in trouble.

"You also hid behind them when we had to do any outdoor activities." 

"It was because I didn't like to sweat as a child.  So I made a fuss so I would be excused from them."

Emmy scoffed at Arashi. 

"I knew you were a little sneaky rascal.  Didn't know you were lazy as well."

"I wasn't lazy.  Just smart. I used my talents to not do the things I didn't want to do."

Arashi's smile widen at Emmy, before he became serious again. 

"It can be like this."  Arashi told Emmy. "Between you and me.  It can be like this forever."

The corner of Emmy's lips immediately fell. 

"You're not hearing me are you Arashi."  Emmy said as she sighed heavily. The memories she shared with Arashi as mischievous children were precious to her.  However, how she felt about him and her men were different. "I love Seoras. I love Gengrick. And I love Dominic. I am unwilling to leave them to be with you because I don't love you."

"What do you mean you love Gengrick and Dominic?" Arashi asked as his body stiffened. 

"Here in Ceco.  It's acceptable to have more than one partner in life.  As long as everyone agrees. Seoras, Gengrick and Dominic.  They are the men I love and choose to be with. They are the men that I love."  Emmy confessed to Arashi hoping for him to understand her and stop chasing after her.  "Seoras found me and rescued me from my nightmare. He and Gengrick helped me recover and taught me so much.  While Dominic makes me laugh. He reminds me to live a little and enjoy life. When I'm with them. I feel loved.  I feel safe. I feel happiness. I feel alive when I'm with them."

"What happened to you?  What nightmare did you suffer?"  Arashi asked.

Emmy closed her mouth unwilling to share with him.  Even though it happened to her a long time ago, it still caused her to have nightmares.

"I looked for you."  Arashi told her. "When I found out that you disappeared, I sent men to look for you.  All these years, I still have men looking for you. Any clues, any whisper of your name.  I looked for you in every corner of Igoh. All these years I always held the faith that you were still alive.  If I had sent someone to Lire, I would have found you sooner."

Arashi fell silent again.  The rose scented breeze blew softly, covering their silence with the sounds of birds chirping and men training far away. 

"What kind of nightmare did you experience?" Arashi asked again. 

Emmy shook her head no. 

"It is not your responsibility to get justice for me.  I will seek my revenge myself using my own hands."

"Tell me so I can help you." 

"You can't."  Emmy told him.  "It has nothing to do with you." 

"I'm making it about me."

"I'm not your responsibility." 

"I'm making you  my responsibility!" 

"Don't!  Forget the past we shared as children.  I am not who you remembered me to be."

"If you were mine.  I would make those that hurt you pay with their lives, so you wouldn't have to dirty your hands." Arashi told Emmy. 

"That's the difference between you and the men that I love."  Emmy said. "Do you think with Seoras, Gengrick and Dominic's strength, power and resources, they could just kill those that hurt me with a flick of their finger? Of course they can!  If I asked it of them, they would do it immediately. And they would enjoy as well. But they understand me. They understand that if I don't do it with my own ability, then my heart will never find peace.  If I can't dirty my hands, then I can't kill my nightmares. If I can't take revenge, then I'll forever be weak."

Emmy stood up and looked at Arashi before she spoke again. 

"I am no longer the young girl you fought with during class because you had a crush on her.  I am no longer that innocent lady who knew nothing of the world and how ugly it can be. I am no longer that naive lady who had everything taken away from her."  Emmy told him. "The past me that you love, I am no longer that person. I'm sure you heard the rumors about me and why everyone is so scared to say my name."

Arashi nodded his head. When his guard came back from investigating Emmy he read the report of the rumors of Emmy. That she was a witch who bewitched Lord Seoras.  That saying her name was a curse that no one could afford to mention. Everyone was afraid of her. He read of all the misfortune that people fell into when they said something bad about Emmy.  However he couldn't believe the report because it did match the Emmy he knew.

"Do you want to know why everyone is afraid to say my name?"

Arashi didn't answer her.  He didn't want to hear her answer.  He was afraid to hear it.

"It's because when they used my name to blame me for their misfortune, do you know how much I was bullied and curse at? I tried ignoring it, but it got worse and worse as the years went by. Then one day I decided that I would put an end to it. I made sure their misfortune became tenfold.  I made them suffer more than their original lost for mentioning my name. I made them realize that saying my name will be the biggest mistake of their lives." 

"This isn't you." 

"But it is. This is the me now. This is the me that Seoras, Gengrick and Dominic loves.  The me that they accept. The me that they want to protect. The me who destroyed lives and families. The me who has become the nightmare of Lire."