Seeking Hope [BoyxBoy]

Chapter {6}

A/N: Do you like this awesome cover made by @jadeofdiamonds ? I LOVE IT!! Check out her works and contact her if you need a cover! Very, very talented watty user ;)

Warning: This chapter contains self harming..

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(Jayson's POV)

''Dumb brat you should've never been born!'' Dad said between punches. ''You are a mistake!''

My arms were all over my head, trying desperately not to get a contusion. I coughed out blood.'' Stop! Dad, please stop!'' I begged, my voice cracking at the end.

''Do you actually think I'll stop?!'' He spat, slightly amused. ''I won't stop. I'll never stop! You are useless! You have no one, no purpose on this Earth. Die already you useless s*it!''

I woke up, my body covered in a slight sweat and being so close to hyperventilate. I squeezed my eyes shut because everything was spinning in front of my eyes. Calm down, calm the f*ck down! I'm far away from him, he can't hurt me anymore he-

Without realizing it, I got up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom, searching desperately for a razor. I needed it. I craved for it. I felt I was going insane as my emotions were choking me. That was the only way I could stop this!

Relief went through me the second I had that razor blade in my hand and I let myself hit the floor. I pushed it in my wrist, squeezing my eyes shut and feeling the pain. Now, calm down. Breathe in and out, in and out. Take it slowly.. It wasn't working! I couldn't calm myself down and the second I realized that, I bit my lower lip. I guess I had to do it again.. as many times as I need to do it.

I was about to cut myself a second time, this time more deeper when I heard a yell not far away from the bathroom's door..

''What the f*ck are you doing Jayson?!'' Seth's alarmed voice echoed in the bathroom as he watched me with an outraged look.

I flinched at the tone of his voice and try to hide my wounded wrist but before I knew it, he is standing right besides me. He took the razor away from my reach, giving me an icy stare and I nearly squirmed under it.

''Give it back.'' I said, my voice slightly hoarse from the amount of blood I lost. Damn, I didn't realize I cut myself so deep already.. ''I need it! I can't make it without it!'' I tried to reach for the razor but I stopped half way through when I saw the mix of emotions in his eyes. He was angry, so angry he could rip out someone's throat out. But I could see something else in his eyes.. pain.

''Why did you do this to yourself?!'' He gripped my shoulders and shook me. ''I told you, you're not alone! You can always come to me or to anyone else and yet you do something like this! Why?'' His tone raised so much at the end, he was yelling at me.

He searched desperately for my eyes but I bit my lip and look down. He couldn't understand..  Even if he said I wasn't alone, I knew I was.. That's the way it always has been and it's not going to change. Everyone leaves sooner or later..

''Fine then."' His voice snapped me from my thoughts and something from his tone made me look back at him. He let go of my shoulders and looked down at his arms for a second before he pushed the razor in his skin until it pierced through. My eyes widened in shock as the blood rushed around the razor and it was coming out more than mine.

''Stop it Seth!'' I cried in terror. Blood, so much blood was draining from his cut.. It was too deep for anyone to handle.

''Stop it?'' he replied, piercing my eyes with his and showing me how hurt he was by my actions. Still, I could see determination in them. I felt my breath caught in my throat.  ''This is how you make me feel like. Promise me this is the last time you do something like this, promise me!''  His face was composed despite the blood puddle on the floor.