Inside My Mind

Sunrise

Things aren't easy. I know that. I know a lot. It's stupid - that I actually care what people think about this stupid vent story or whatever the hell it is.

Lately, I've been staring at my scars. They just seems... idk... different? They feel right. Obviously, I don't like them, they're ugly, but they don't feel wrong. They just feel special, like they belong.

Falling in love, that's why I'm here. I know that certain individuals will take this the wrong way or care too much about it, but I'd rather no one even pay any mind to it or anything I say really.

That being said, falling in love is strange. It's not exactly magically or scary. It's just realising that person you care so much about is special. It's not a sudden realization either. It just kinda flows and it's not a process that takes weeks to develop. It takes months.

It takes getting to know more than the basic knowledge of a person. It's gaining their trust and giving some of yours away. It's knowing what they're like without being around them. It's being best friends, but so much more. It's this feeling, not butterflies or nerves, that leaves you breathless.

This feeling is smiling at just the thought of them and wishing them to be happy even after a horrible fight. It's praying for them to be safe, even if you don't believe in God. It's loving when you talk to them and feeling content with just knowing they're okay. It's not caring how close you are to them, just that you have the pleasure to be in their life.

It's not completely describable since not everyone feels love in the same way. Everyone is different and feels differently about certain people. I've read articles that you fall in love after 4 months of having a crush on them. Others say 6 months. Some even say a year.

In my experience, I've nearly reached all these marks and the feelings I have for this person haven't gone away completely. They may have faded and come back, only to waver and follow the pattern of the tides on a cold and relaxing night. They never fully disappear and sometimes they're stronger than others.

Like I said, I know there will be certain people who will take this the wrong way. I just want to say that I don't want to hear anything about not truly loving them when we were together. I honestly can't handle the stress and frustration of trying to explain myself and continuously trying to reassure the person of my feelings for them or our future together.

Now that I'm done with that, this crush seemed just like that - a simple and small crush that would go away. After reading articles and talking to couples so I could support my argument of not loving the person I've been accused of loving, I've discovered I was in fact in love with this person. I never would've thought I was.

I mean honestly, how do you overlook the fact you fell in love with someone? That's just how it is I guess. We're human and we're not gonna realize things until it's either too late or unexpected. Now when I hear a love song, it reminds me of the person. Not so much that I swoon and sigh, but to the point it makes me smile slightly and feel relaxed.

As I further this talk, I want to say you can be in love with two people. Not only that, but you can be in love with someone and still find others attractive or interesting in a way. You can have crushes on others while still being deeply in love with one person. Being in love doesn't limit you to one person.

I could talk about love for as long as you'll let me, but sadly, I need to end this. I still have a lot of questions about love and if I really am (for some reason I still doubt even after being told I really do seem to be in love and not the fairytale kind). I still want to know how it feels, what it's truly like and so much more.

I might make a second one about love, I'm not sure though. Things are confusing and honestly, I just need a lot of time to think about it. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy yourselves and have a wonderful day, night or whatever.

Until next time.

~M. A.