Inside My Mind

Numb

I want to give up. I don't really wanna be alive. It's nothing against my friends, family or others. Sometimes I just need to say I want to die - that I wish I had died - because that's just how I feel in the moment or I wonder just how much it would change things. Obviously, this is a "in-one-ear-out-the-other" thing that really doesn't have much meaning. I really do wonder though. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and am getting so much better, but there are those moments where I just wanna know what it really would've been like to die and see how things play out. I almost regret not doing it. Almost. I guess it's kinda pointless though. I really doubt anyone reads this anymore. It kinda hurts to know that it's not that important, but at the same time, I understand that not everyone wants to deal with someone who's hurting or being morbidly curious. I really do understand.

I also understand I'm hard to get along with. That I'm stubborn and a pain to handle. It may not be that long, but I honestly can't right now. I kinda wanna just be by myself and forget everything that's been happening around me. I really thought today could be an amazing day. But when am I ever right though?