I'm troubled and I've got all of these thoughts and emotions running through me and I'm not sure how to cope with them maybe it's the rain or the day or not having Jill or that I'm tired I don't know what it is it's homecoming day and there's no spirt people are dressed up I'm dressed up but not to a full extent these past 3 weeks have been hard and disappointing our senior hall way is barley dressed up last year the whole hall way is decorated this year only a quarter part of our hallway is dressed up and it don't completely make since now I don't know bout the other halls but the senior hall is pathetic yesterday was devoted to decorating our hall way and that's all they do wow do much for senior pride last year it was increadable this year it's humiliating and usually me and Jill sent the type that goes all out for spirt day but last year there was spirt this year we're dull with Jill spirt day wouldn't be so bad we could careless bout the game against Bowie and the whole idea of a dance bir I'd still have a decent and good day it's not the same there's theme like almost every week and the only things that make my day better are talking or seeing her and drinking a Dr Pepper at lunch and on a good day seeing Ryan on a good day Michael made s come to bout how me and Ryan's relationship isn't even a relationship but I haven't fully figured that out I just feel lonely this year I don't really have anyone and I guess I could try to make new friends but I can't it's weird and hard and everyone is wearing mums and it's like oh ok and that dang jingle noice is already getting on my nerves we're on AM schedule classes will be about 40 mins long I feel like a zombie without her waiting for a change I'm getting use to the school system and everything but I just feel empty I'm talking to my self and sleeping more and blocking everything out I'm confused and sad but I'm going to my moms this weekend so they will be good to go and clear my mind from school and Ryan and drama and the school system and rules and all that junk it's nice to get away for the weekend but I'm sad when I have to come home I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like my self but I don't and as weird and messed us I just don't have anyone this year Ryan' don't understand this feeling sometimes but him not being here don't help me eairher so I feel like a ghost i don't know I'm just bleh
