Mind

THAT'S MY ARTHIT

I was born with a weak brain.  Since I was fragile, I was needed constant care and attention.  My parents did not have time for me.  I was just an unwanted product of their heated passion and lust.  I was not born out of love, but a kind of urgency of bodily pleasures.  When my arrival was announced by my mother to my so called father, it was not well received both by the conveyor or by receiver.  There was a fear, anger and doubt as to who was my pollinator.   There was the smell of betrayal and not the aroma of heavenly love between them.    So when uncertainty surrounded them, they decided to abort me in my mother's womb.  I would have born healthy, if not for their bewilderment of my sudden germination.  I too would have lived an abled and ecstatic life.  I was drugged in womb to be killed, but yet I survived.  Much to my parents disappointment.

"Why should I bear the brunt of their sin?  Why God?  What have I done so that I am treated as unwanted by my own creators.  You are their Creator.  I call upon you, why  you did not instill in them the values of love, affection and parenthood". 

"  I want to feel wanted, I want to be cared, I want to be pampered, I want to be cherished, I too want to love, care and be affectionate with my loved ones.  But I cannot why, oh my God why"?

God too had betrayed me to be  born in the world of hatred, greed and selfishness.  My siblings hated me.  My sisters had no emotion left for me, leave alone hatred.  They never acknowledged my presence.  I was for them, a dimwit, a crazy boy, a mental case who did not belong to the Suthilucks.

To top it all, I had to pay the price of my weak and dull mind by being devoured raw by the so called the DARK FIGURE.  He not only gnawed my flesh, but my heart, my soul and my mind. Whatever virtue, dignity and respect left in me was ripped open by HIM.  

Who gave those people the right to destroy my body, my soul, my mind and my manhood.  When I said no or protested, or raised my voice against HIM to him or to my parents, they slogged me by a whip.  Each lash was like a thousand volt current passing through my body.  I was beaten up, chained, starved  by my parents  and above all  raped, not once but every night by that DARK FIGURE.

"The pain which I had to endure was beyond words and feelings to express.  Every thrust brought me death.  Every night I died little by little.  What right did that demon had to rip me off, I never harmed him or pained him, then why me.  Would he allow this thing to be done to his own children?"

Why  humans have fallen to such low level of  abusing children?  Will they ever realise as to what it is to feel like being groped and forced into their tiny and tender bodies?  They are quietened, bullied and scared to death  if they eve raised their voices.  

Who is weak minded?  Me or my parents who could not control their depravity of lust and passion or the DARK FIGURE whose mind is so diseased that he thrust and destroys the world of innocence.  Or my siblings who cannot acknowledge the presence of their family self in me.

I am unwanted.  

But to someone,sometime and somewhere I will be wanted .  I will wait for that person, I will trust that person, I will love that person and the person will not  break me by forcing on me but will wait and  build me up little by little and then will make me HIS OWN-  THAT's MY ARTHIT.

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Thank you for supporting this story.  My heart boils whenever I hear, read or watch something about child abuse.  It is one of the major threat to the children in today's world.  I hope parents, teachers and all responsible adults understand this and protect their children.