mine • narry (going through editing)

1.2

Harry attempted to sleep comfortably, but the body laying beside him in his mattress wasn't allowing him to do so. He was scared, having never denied anyone of a romantic relationship before. The reason being because he never felt the need to, never felt that voice in his mind telling him that he was with the wrong woman. Feeling conflicted, the man sat up slightly, back hunched onto the headboard and sheets laying low on his stripped lower half. His mind was racing, assuming the worst and most humiliating (impotency?) but threw the option aside after only a few seconds of pondering, because this didn't feel physical. It was a psychological matter. One that didn't seem appeased at the idea of staying in an intimate relationship with the being next to him.

The curly haired man sighed heavily, feeling his chest deflate and allowing his eyes to close; mindset focusing on the lingering feeling as a way to distract his whirring thoughts. He was in a strong state of denial, and he knew that.

Was he planning on doing something about it? That was something he had no idea about. Things could go so wrong if he decided to make the wrong move, but he was on the edge of doing so-- giving hints, flirting, going out, and occurrences were always positive. Perhaps his own fear was over-complicating  things--

No, it wasn't possible for Niall to feel the same way. And Harry wasn't sure if he wanted him to anyway, because then what? The man wasn't ready for a serious commitment; he wasn't sure his career was either. Especially with a man, no matter how many people tried to deny it, the harsh fact was, that made things a lot more difficult.

Analyzing the possible reactions towards him pursuing what his heart truly desired, seeing as the muscle hated the idea of following the public's version of a relationship (his abnormally weak lower half towards the naked woman beside him proved that.), Harry debated his next move. Half of him ready to take the leap while the other was resisting, wanting to stay in the safe-zone.

But what's life without a little risk?

-

The suit felt a little too tight on his body, the sun burning his already-sensitive skin a little too harshly as he strutted towards the familiar shop. His vision felt blurred, as though it was having a hard time trying to look at what was both in front of him and  internally important to him. His Gucci loafers were smacking the cracked, rugged concrete with a great amount of force. He felt as though he wanted to vomit, Harry never getting used to the feeling of anxiousness and awaited rejection. Rejection was practically non-existent in his life. The only time it occurred was when he tried to pay a one hundred dollar bill for a fast food place-- and now that he over thought it, it sounded kind of pathetic.

Though the nervousness was evident in his slightly slack posture and random sighs of some emotion he couldn't decipher, the rush of his heart and pit of butterflies in his stomach proved that he made the right choice. He wondered why people took so long to accept themselves, sexuality being the topic or not, but he assumed his open mind came with the fact that his parents were always accepting. Never showed any signs of hate or disgust towards any specific race or sexuality or person or anything in general, they were always all-around bright people who wished others the best. Thinking about his parents made the man smile, he internally made a note to call them soon.

Opening the door to meet the boy of his dreams once more, he instead immediately spotted the said teen being cuddled by a certain modelling agent that he happened to despise. Harry's initial reaction was rage, and he almost broke out into a feet but his presence was acknowledged quick by the brunette nineteen year old and when the blue eyes were filled to the brim with tears, he couldn't help but wonder what he'd miss.

Did Shawn do something that made Niall cry?

"What the fuck?" he cursed quietly, questioning the position of the others as he leaned back-- having felt as though someone struck him in the face. Seeing Niall cry had to be one of the worst sights of his life, and he could feel his once lively heart dampen with sorrow.

"Fuck," he heard the boy curse out, wiping his eyes frantically as if that would stop Harry from analyzing what he already saw.

"Harry," And his lip twitched angrily at the awfully aggravating accent, "I think, for Niall's sake, it's best if you leave."

"No," He immediately defied, "Niall and I have some business to discuss regarding our relation--"

"Due to the fact that his father is deceased, I'm sure he has more problems to worry about." Shawn replied emptily, not realizing his mistake until the boy gave another wretched sob-- indicating that he had just made the situation worse.

"Niall?" Harry was stunned, mouth agape as his head tried to assess the newly revealed information-- he blinked frantically as though it would help the slow process. He called out the boy's name as a way of searching for any sort of explanation. When the teen did nothing to deny it, just continued to will his way to stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks, Harry got his needed response. "Oh," he deflated, because if Niall didn't tell him something so important like this then maybe they weren't as close as he thought. "I best be out of your way then." His heart feeling like it was about drop out of his ass, Harry made his way to the door feeling the most heartbroken he had in months. Maybe just in general-- rejection, once again, wasn't a frequent occurrence.

"That's all you have to say?" Shawn questioned harshly, "Normally," he let out a bitter chuckle, "I would love for you to walk out that door. But, really? You find out his father is gone and all you can do is leave? Why? You can't stand to face reality, billionaire? Can't digest the fact that people may live a harsher life than yours?" he taunted wickedly, unable to hold back his sneer because here was a boy he cared about going through something rough in his life and the man who claimed to be 'oh-so-important' was about to leave him hanging. Shawn just wrapped an arm around the sobbing teen, noting how his tears became more uncontrollable once the older man entered. "I'm sorry, Harry, but I'd rather live my everyday life than have to withstand the ignorance of yours."

"I'm leaving because it's obvious he didn't want to tell--"

"Because you were too busy fucking some random model rather than comforting him!"

And, finally, Harry understood what he did wrong.

"Well, he's not a fucking baby and he sure as hell isn't my goddamn responsibility." And the broken gasp, the mocking silence he was faced with, wasn't worth any of the shallow words he spit out.

-
any feedback on how to fix my chapters? any specific factors or feedback you guys wanna give me?