mine • narry (going through editing)

2.3

really emotional chap..made me cry. good luck xx

Liam took deep, calculated breaths as he waited in the house for his boy to come home. There was a lot he needed to say, and the anxiety laying stern in his gut wasn't providing much patience. Big brown eyes traveled around the small living room he was seated in, the light pink wallpaper slightly peeling at the corners of every wall. The furniture was lack luster, slightly dusty as no one was ever home to really utilize each piece. Not any more, at least. He remembered the once upon a time moments, the ones that caused his heart to clench in every way possibly imagined.

He remembered how happy he was, how happy he thought Lou was, but the thing about Louis was that he was always such a great actor; always ready to lie for the sake of any situation. Thinking of the man, his eyes instinctively flashed towards the small sofa, the deep navy blue only setting aflame to the older man as it reminded him of his love's beautiful eyes. The question that had lingered through every one of his thoughts flashed through his head once more: When did he become so unhappy? When did Louis decide that whatever Liam had to offer just, in the end, would never be enough?

The slight sting he felt with every blink signified he was close to tears, his heart burning with loss. He felt so empty, and so, so lonely. Liam hadn't noticed when the tears finally fell gracefully on his cheeks, but when he happened to he didn't make any move to stop them. He loved Louis with everything, did everything for him, woke up every day just so he could see his beautiful face. "Fuck," he mumbled pathetically as a flash of the deceased man's dazzling smile haunted his eyes, every time he blinked it was all he could see. Slowly, he felt his resolve begin to crumble as he muttered a simple wish, "God, please allow my baby to be happy in heaven."

He could barely register anything between his sobs, breathing becoming hitched as he tried to repress the emotions he had hid for so long. God, he missed his husband with every passing second, and it was agonizing to know that the other hadn't loved him till his dying day. The radiant smile then transitioned to a different image, the bitter, reality of what they had become.

All Liam could see was the lifeless body, he could feel the cold limp hand, the dead eyes.

"I miss you," he cried, "I miss you so much. I love you, so much, and that fact won't ever change." It sounded like a promise, and it most likely was. As young as he was, for Liam wasn't even forty, he knew he'd never cherish or adore anyone the way he had with his husband. His soul was draining, leaking through the cracks of his happy facade, and right now he just hoped Niall was feeling better than he was.

"Pa?"

Oh, hearing his son's beautiful soft whisper just made him heave slightly, trying to catch his breath and appear strong before his son. "Daddy, don't cry." He hadn't called him that since he was six years old, and Liam felt like he was going to burst. Why hadn't he just handled his distress like a regular adult rather than bottling them up until it felt like he would implode?

"Hey, hey, look at me, Dad." he heard the other speak and looked up from the floor to his kneeling son before him, concerned blue eyes searching his features for any kind of answer. "Daddy, tell me what you're thinking."

"I just miss him so much, Ni. I can't stop thinking of him." he breathed out, and though he felt embarrassed at his vulnerability, the small confession allowed a heavy weight off his shoulders, his gut loosening in it's tight contract. "I'm sorry baby, that I haven't been the best father lately."

"No, don't be sorry, we all deal with grief in different ways. I'm here for you, okay? I know you miss him but he wouldn't want you dwelling on your sadness, Daddy. You need to stay strong," he spoke soft, "-but not for me, you need to be strong for you."

He embraced his father, trying to mask his own small tears as he placed his face at the crook of the man's neck, Niall had once again been too distracted to pay attention to his own family. Swallowing his guilt harshly, he patted his dad's back and provided him as much comfort as he could. "I'll be here with you, I'll be your support and anything else you need as you learn to stop being so self-less. Care for yourself, Pa, you're so worried about everyone else that you don't even allow yourself fifteen minutes of a day to just take care of you."

Liam sobbed quieter, unable to open his eyes because if he met with Niall's deep blue ones, all he'd see is Louis.

-

"Daddy, did you eat the sub I bought you?" the boy questioned softly as he cleaned up the house. They had been ignoring it as too many memories were shared here, but the Irish man knew that it would do no good to dwell, they just had to make new ones with each other and move on. "You've been working a lot lately, so make sure you're eating while I'm not home." He reminded, voice not above a whisper as Liam nodded, eyes a little red and cheeks puffed out from his crying. Niall gave him a soft smile as he folded some towels, keeping a close eye on the older man's state.

"How're you and Harry?" the questioned caused the son to grin subconsciously, eyes gleaming with exuberance as he thought of all the nice times they had shared.

"I think we're doing really well. We might go to a carnival sometime over the weekend."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, Ni. I'm really happy you're happy." He truly was, the fact being the only thing keeping him sane at this point. His boy had found someone perfect for him, and he really could see them having a future together. "But, I've got to be honest, I did lie to him a little bit." He watched the other tilt his head in confusion, "To be quite frank, I told him that Shawn never came up to me and spoke to me about you, when in reality, he actually did."

"Really?"

"It was amusing, I suppose, because the boy did surely look smitten. But, when I told Harry about it he was appeared as though he was going to burn something down, so I merely passed it off as a joke." Liam chuckled, "I didn't want poor Mendes to get murdered."

"Yeah, Harry's like that." He nervously giggled, "But, if he ever brings it up I'll act like I have no clue what he's on about. Speaking of Shawn, I think he wants me to model for him? I haven't really asked for updates but, he sounded really serious about it."

"That's great, Ni! You get to try something new other than fix cars! Why do you look so hesitant?"

"I dunno, I guess I don't think I'm really model material. I mean, there are tons of people prettier, more experienced--"

"Stop talking like you're worth nothing. Niall James Horan, you are absolutely stunning, smart, clever, funny, and the best son I could ever ask for. I'm one hundred percent sure Shawn is asking you because he sees something in you. If anything, talk to him and see how you feel, but don't tell yourself you're not worth enough to do it because that's flat out not true."

"Harry said something similar, but...Yeah, I think I'll ask him for more details before jumping headfirst into anything."

"Stop doubting yourself," Liam mumbled, drinking his glass of water before getting up and kissing his son on the forehead. "I've got to get back to the shop, but I'll see you later tonight."

When the father left, he smiled a small, soft one once he realized how energized he felt just showing his son all sides of him, even the vulnerable ones. Really, he couldn't ask for a better child than Niall.

-

small emotional chapter because I felt Liam was left unresolved. also, I CANNOT STKP UPDATJNG

this might get annoying soon.

love y'all! feel free to leave feedback!

how was your guys day by the way?