Forty Two • h.js

12

I hated it.
I hated seeing how broken you looked.
When we hung out yesterday, to any other person, it looked as if we were on a date, just having fun and enjoying life.

But I saw it.
The old scars you received.
The tears that threatened to spill.
That defeated look.
The hint of sadness and envy every time you saw a mother and daughter bonding.

Why are you  trying so hard to be strong?
Why are you carrying the weight of the world alone?

That night, as I laid in bed all that I could think about was you.

"Why don't you let me help you carry that big burden?" I murmur to myself as I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was the pain that you were going through.
All I could see was that mask that was slowly cracking.

Someday, I hope to see a real smile from you.

The next day, and it was finally time to take our exams.

More specifically, our finals.

Having a similar situation, what I'm about to do might make you hate me, but maybe, if you maintain your rank, your injuries will lessen.

So I missed a number in one of the tests on purpose, knowing that you'd get a point higher.

I hope you realize that I didn't do this because I pity you. I hope you realize that I'm doing this because I care.

First year finally ended.
The results of the students were finally out.

Rank 1 - Kim Seungmin
Rank 2 - l/n y/n
Rank 3 - Han Jisung

Felix and I just finished looking at the ranks that were posted and as we were walking away from the crowd of students who were also trying to see their ranks, I saw you and Seungmin trying to get in the crowd to see yours as well.

We locked eyes for a moment and I flashed you a small smile while you mirrored my actions before trying to get through the crowd once again.

Felix and I were already by the door when someone suddenly grabbed me by the arm.

I turned to see you staring at me with wide eyes, your lips parted a bit as if you were about to say something.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, trying to act casual although by the look in your eyes, I can tell that you saw through what I did.

"I-" You hesitate for a moment before slowly letting go of my arm.

"I guess I beat you again Han Jisung..." You say with a bitter chuckle at the end.

I'm glad that you didn't question how I got a lower score.