Today is the day that we all say goodbye to Bianca. The police said they got a call from someone in the neighborhood near by that they heard gunshots. Turns out Bianca was in the cemetery visiting Kevin when someone came behind and shot her in the head. On top of Bianca's murder, the police are investigating me for Ace's murder, how fucking great.
"You good?" Bibby said.
"No, I'm not and I wish people would quit asking me that! I lost my brother, I got raped, thank god I didn't get pregnant, I lost my sister, and now I'm being investigated for a fucking murder that I did not commit!" I hissed.
"Baby I'm sorry, I'll admit to it if you want me to" Bibby said rubbing my shoulder.
"No, of course not. They can't place me at the crime scene and they don't know anything about you so everything will be good." I said laying my head on his chest.
We walked downstairs meeting Herb and Ari, everybody was ready so we got in separate cars and made our way to the church.
Once we pulled up, Bibby parked the car, we got out and started walking to the door where I saw Kailah and my mother's mom talking. I haven't seen my grandma in forever since we moved to Chicago.
"MawMaw" I said hugging her.
My grandmothers name is Bahira, it's Arabic for brilliant which she was. She had gorgeous caramel skin and light sky blue eyes, I was the only one to inherit them. She was born in Louisiana but has since then lost her accent but her voice was so soothing it could calm a raging riot and when she sang you would feel like you were in heaven.
"Blue! My baby! How are you holding up?" She said with tears in her eyes.
"I'm holding." I said trying not to cry.
"She's in a better place Blue" Kailah said rubbing my shoulder.
"Hey mama" my aunt Bridget said hugging my grandma.
"Hey Blue, How you holding up" Her daughter, Brittany said hugging me.
"I'm holding" I said hugging her back.
My aunt Bridget and my cousin Brittany didn't really come around as much. My grandma had 3 girls, My mom, my aunt Bridget, and Ari's mom, girls are really popular in my family so my grandma was surprised when my mom had Kevin first and assuming I didn't meet Ari until I was 17 and Brittany til I was 14 shows how close they are.
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We all went inside the church and I sat next to Karson. My mom was crying over Bianca's body, I decided not to look because it hurt too bad to see her like that.
"Blue come on" Ari said liting me up.
"Come on for what?" I said pulling back.
"You gotta view the body Blue come on" Ari said.
"No no please don't make me, I can't do it" I said as tears started falling down my face.
Bibby came to the other side of me and they both tried get me up.
"Baby if you don't view her body now it's going to fuck you up later" He said.
"Remember what happened when you didn't view Kevin's" Ari said.
Ari was right, I went to a very dark place after not looking at Kevin's body.
I slowly got up and some people that were viewing the body as well moved out the way for me. Once I saw her lifeless body, I started to break down some more. Bibby and Ari helped me back to my seat and I laid my head on Karson's shoulder.
The preacher said his sermon and then let people go up to say something nice about Bianca. My mom went up first.
"This is my second time doing this. Your children are supposed to bury you not the other way around. I've lost 2 of my babies to a gun and something has to give!" She said breaking down. My grandma got up and helped my mom back her seat.
Some more family and some of Bianca's friends went up, Ari decided that I should go and say something and said she'd go with me.
I agreed and walked up to the podium.
"My sister was a very warm soul. I loved her to death, she brought a smile to my face even after we fought. After our brother's death me and Bianca became very close, matter of fact we were just together the day I got that call... Ill never get to see that warmth in her eyes again." I wanted to say more but I couldn't. My throat felt like it was closing and the tears started coming down faster... I think I'm having an anxiety attack.
Ari noticed and took me back to my seat and helped calm me down.
After the service, we all went to the cemetery to bury Bianca.
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I drove back home to Ari and Herb's house, I just want to lay down and rest.
I laid down in my bed as I started to think about the service and everyone that came, my dad didn't show up and I wasn't surprised. He showed up late and drunk to Kevin's funeral...
I just don't understand how a father can make 5 kids with a woman but treat all the kids like shit we didn't ask to be here and since 2 died before they could make it to 25, we were better off where we were anyways.
I got out of my clothes and decided to get in the shower, I let the water run through hair making my curls appear. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Bianca in a flowing white dress in a field of tall beautiful sunflowers smiling as if she was okay. Tears poured from eyes and I felt a gush of cold air, I turned around to see Bibby in the shower with me. He pulled me into a hug and comforted me.
"I know baby, it's gone okay" He said while rubbing my bear back.
It's going to be okay...
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