Normal //Ryan Metzger

03: ruin

-hi this is a backstory chapter that involves abuse and I don't want to trigger anyone so please do not read if you are sensitive. If possible, you could PM me and I'll give you an alternative chapter
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I woke up to a cast of light burning on my eyelids. The sunlight of morning sun was shining through my white curtains, draping over my body.
  I groaned and rolled over the the darker side of my room, refusing to wake up and face the consequences of the night before. Of course, I was unsuccessful at falling back asleep.
   I decided to just get up, half expecting another body to me accompanying me but the white bed was empty.
  My dress from the night before was on and zipped up in the back. Everything around me was blurry until I realized my glasses were neatly folded on my beside table. I slipped them on, thinking it would help the growing migraine I had, but no help was there.
   I walked out into the hallway, hoping Jess was asleep or gone to not notice me still in my evening dress from the night before. I tiptoed my way to the kitchen,but Jess jumped out from the corner, scaring the shit out of me.
   "Jesus, Jess!" I yelled,holding my hand on my temple to help the throbbing.
   "Good morning, princess," she said with a smile, patting my back with the hand that wasn't holding her cup of coffee. "There is coffee on."
   "Good," I groaned and walked over to the counter. I noticed a little piece of paper near the coffee machine.
   "Someone left you a love note too," She said, sipping her coffee. I shot her a look of confusion and we both darted to the note, her getting it first.
  "Dear Lover," She said, reading the note off in a fake lovey voice. I cut her off by ripping the note from her hands and giving it a read myself.
Lauren,
           Sorry I didn't stay, I didn't want you to get the wrong impression in the morning. You fell asleep so I took you back to what I think was your room.
          Anyway if you would like to call me, my number is 917-555-0280. If not, I understand.
                                            -city boy :)
   My heart skipped a beat at the note, causing me to smile.
  "D-Does the Lauren Pearson have a crush?" Jess said mockingly. As she did, the voices reappeared and doubt filled my mind.
  "Jess, we just met. And I don't know if I want to text him back." I said and crumbled the note in my palm, holding it there.
   "What the fuck?" Jess asked, setting her coffee down on the counter. "You were head over heels for that guy last night, why not anymore."
   "I don't know," I said looking at my feet that were red from wearing those shoes last night. "I don't think I'm ready to jump into relationships yet."
   "Lo," Jess said walking up to me. "It's been two years since the thing happened with Blake, you need to-" but before she could finish, I cut her off in defense.
   "Jess, stop. Please," I pleaded. "You don't know what happened that night. You have no right to tell me-"
  "Lauren, I am your best friend and I'm trying to help you get through what happened, okay?" She said, defending herself too. "I'm telling you that you can't hide in this shell of yours until your 35 and wondering where you life went.
   I know it's hard, and I know the toll what happened that night had on you. Maybe moving out here and starting a new semester in a new state, new school, new everything is a sign."
  I stood there, staring down at the ground, not making eye contact with her. I bit my bottom lip slightly as tears welled in the corners of my eyes. My mind went straight back to that night, replaying as if I had just pressed play on an old movie.
I had just gotten back to our Athens apartment after my last class of the day. My phone died back in lecture so I was anxious to turn it back on and call my mom to update her on the girl in my lab we gossip about.
   It was way past dusk and the streetlights were turned on, lighting my way for my key to fit into the master lock to the complex. I didn't see Blake's car so I had assumed he went to a club meeting or something on campus.
   When I opened our apartment door, Blake was pacing back and forth in the living room with a bottle of Jack in one hand and his cellphone in the other, frantically calling someone. Tears had fallen from his eyes and you could tell he had been screaming because saliva covered his mouth and chin.
   When he made eye contact with me, anger flowed through his eyes, making me cower just at the sight. I had seen this look before and nothing good came out of it.
   "Where the hell have you been?" He screamed, throwing his phone towards the side of my head, barely missing my ear. I let out a yelp with made him mad even more.
   "My phone died, I swear," I said holding out the little rectangle for him to see. "I swear it's dead, try it. He tore the phone from my hands, scratching it as he did. "I swear, I'm not lying I love you."
   He played with the power button, getting more and more frustrated with it as he hit the button. He slammed it on the ground just like his in a drunk rage.
  "Baby, you're drunk let's get you in bed and calmed do-" but before I could finish my sentence, his hand crossed my face, leaving a red mark as he did.
  "Five years of dating and you just forgot to text me your phone was dying? Five fucking years?" He screamed in my face.
  Yeah, and five years of putting up with your bullshit, I thought to myself, looking him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry, babe. Really," I said trembling as he got closer to me. He pinned me against the wall and our noses were almost touching. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes wafted out of his mouth, causing me to grimace.
"I don't think you fucking are," he said and gripped my arm so hard that his knuckles turned white. I whined at the pain but not before his arm jerked back and I was flung towards the coffee table, the corner hitting my abdomen sharply.
I let out a cry of pain, hoping one of our neighbors would hear me. Hell, anyone on campus for that matter.
I gripped at my stomach where I knew a deep bruise was already forming.
"You had me fucking worried sick!" He screamed so hard that he foamed at the mouth. "Do you not even care that I love you?"
"Do you love me Blake?" I screamed back in his face, tears streaming down my hot cheeks. "Because this isn't fucking love!"
His eyes turned red and he sailed into my face, contacting my glasses and my eye. The glass shattered as he slammed into them and fell onto the floor.
"Don't you ever talk to me like that again!" He screamed and went for another blow but before he could, I moved out of the way and ran towards the bedroom door at the end of the hallway.
He grabbed at my heels, making me trip but i clawed my way down the hallway on the hardwood, slamming the door in his face and locking it.
I rested my back against the wood of the door, silently sobbing as he slammed his body weight into it. My gripped at the pain in my stomach, knowing it was not a good sign at all.
"Please baby, open the door," he said in the door crack, stopping his pounding. "I love you I'm so sorry. Just open the door.."
He kept going on and on but the ringing in my ears drained him out and I stared at the wall ahead of me blankly.
I was defeated...
"Lo? Lauren? You okay?" Jess said, shaking my shoulders to pull me back to the reality of the kitchen and New York.
I didn't notice it, but my hands were extremely trembling. Hot tears streamed down my face and my expression was wide.
"No," I said and frantically rushed around the kitchen, trying to find the note that was still in my hand. "I-I need to call him. I need to tell him why I'd ruin him."
"Lauren, you're not a bomb. You won't ruin him," she said consoling me.
"Who would want to date or marry someone like me," I yelled with more tears pouring out.
"Lauren, stop. You're okay," she said and I fell into her chest and she stroked my hair. "You're okay. You can call him, meet him. You don't have to fall in love with him."
But what if I do and then I'm ruined?

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-wow okay I'm sorry.
-also this chapter I just listened to pitchfork kids over and over so that's the chapter song even though it has nothing to do with the chapter so enjoy that.
-also if you or a loved one or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical, emotional, sexual, etc. please text LOVEIS to 22522 or call the hotline at 1-866-331-9474. please be safe out there.